Today the world finally unanimously decided that there is absolutely definitely without a doubt no God.
In a sudden conclusion to a discussion that has been raging for millennia, philosophers, scientists, politicians and artists all seem to agree today that we are actually completely alone.
This follows a year of unprecedented tragedy, upset and catastrophe, as 2016 subjected the world to an absurdly coincidental and almost unbelievable string of upsets.
A spokesman from the White House poured the entire press room a round of whisky today as he commented on this year’s trials and tribulations.
“I mean it would be funny if it wasn’t so fucking awful.”
But this apparently unanimous decision isn’t without its detractors. In additional complexity, prominent skeptic Richard Dawkins has made a shock conversion to theism.
“The universe without a God is neutral and indifferent, which was a completely consistent philosophy to have until now. But recent events have changed my mind. I am confident now that God is absolutely real because today he proved he is a complete arsehole. No indifferent universe would be so clearly cruel”
The internet has been alight with anger and mourning at the news. An anonymous source remarked that after all maybe there is a God above:
“All I ever learned from love is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you.”