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Berlusconi seeks “urgent summit” with Megan Fox
"Megan will be treated with the utmost respect," Berlusconi added. "I will pay her 30,000 Euros."
New Zealand moves 30cm closer to Australia, applies for dole
A recent earthquake has shifted New Zealand 30cm closer to Australia, the second phase of a long-term plan to connect
Freemasons take up rotating EU Shadow Presidency
The Grand and Ancient Order of Freemasons has taken over the European Union for a three year period
Socially responsible redneck switches to hybrid monster truck
“In my job, the dangers we face are very real. But no death-dealing machine has terrified me as much as the threat we face from climate change"
Unis axe philosophy departments for failing to find answers
“To have a 100% fail rate on your answer rate is unacceptable under our latest result-oriented guidelines”
Zombie finds call centres workers mindless
Having waited on hold for 40 minutes, reanimated corpse Trevor Fleck has slammed call centre workers across the nation, declaring them slack-jawed imitations of humanity with no reasoning power
Entire magazine read in newsagency
Despite the clear presence of a sign informing customers it is "not a lending library", an Erskineville newsagency was forced to remove a no-good freeloader last Tuesday afternoon, shining a light on a problem that newsagents are describing as a hidden epidemic
Cross-dresser confounded by androgynous fashion
Married investment banker and secret transvestite Malcolm Penfold has declared himself "completely flummoxed" by recent sartorial trends. "How am I supposed to challenge socially constructed gender norms under these conditions?"
Imaginary Lotto winnings spent on imaginary girlfriend
Programmer Alan Ko has mentally laid out a financial plan of action which he intends to undertake when he wins next week's jackpot
Man goes on trip of a lifetime to work out where to end it
De Rossi claims he first got the idea of killing himself from a helpful anonymous poster on one of his youtube videos