There's no mystery why Channel Nine is going down the tubes and Channel Ten is soon to follow. Do you want to know why? Well, the answer is simple.  A lack of racism.   

Of course, you won't be surprised to find out it's the same prejudice-deficit that keeps Aunty bumping along in the low teens in ratings.  And let's face it, there's no chance for that wog channel SBS.   

But the visionaries at Channel Seven have got the picture.  When the executives at Seven stretch out behind their large boardroom table, behind their equally large beerguts, stuffing fistfuls of caviar into their gobs for a brain storming session they know just the right formula to tweek any TV show – xenophobia.   

Going to screen a new concept called Dancing With The Stars?  A show destined to be a fairly average reality TV show?  Bingo! Chuck in friend of the aborigine Pauline Hanson and instead of being swamped by Asians, you'll be swamped by ratings!  

Going to do a re-make of a boring Celebrity Survivor show?  Chuck in friend of the towelheads David Oldfield and the other networks will literally throw in the towel.    

Does the Australian public hate those dirty queue-jumping, disease carrying, terrorist illegal immigrants?  Of course they do.  Well make a show out of it: Border Security. The highest rating show on television.  

What's next you ask?  Well while the honchos at Nine concentrate on internecine warfare and the board at Channel Two ironically spend their time working out how to axe books about bigots (axe books, can you believe it, what idiots!) I can tell you the geniuses at Seven have got plenty more up their sleeves.  

They're simply overflowing with ideas.  Apparently at most of their concept meetings you can barely hear for the cacophony of winning ideas.  Apparently the air is not just think with suggestions but also with small comets of goose-liver pâté flying from excited mouths as the honchos of the culture factory that is Channel Seven bellow to be heard between swigging deeply from bottles of Don Perignon and pushing down a selection pre-lunch morsels. 

Having hit on the formula, they know the sky is the limit.  

I have it on good authority there's a new version of Midday about to make a comeback – hosted by Ron Casey, sponsored by Nokia.   

And there are strong rumours Seven is going to find the guy who shot Martin Luther King Jr and put him on Where Are They Now. 

And apparently there's going to be a slimmed down new season of The Biggest Loser with just two contestants Herman Goering and Mussolini?  (Sorry but they're the only two fat racialists I can think of) 

And that's not all.   

You can bet before the red-cheeked denizens of Australia's leading network even get a chance to wipe their fat-smeared faces on the white tablecloth of their executive dining room before plunging their fat hands into the drinks cabinet to pull out another Grolsch while taking massive bites out of whole roasted pheasants – the ideas will, like the drinks, already be flowing. 

Meanwhile, the other networks are stuck in a fatal rut of political correctness.   

And while Channel Ten has made some innovative and impressive inroads into sexual assault and Nine has always pushed the boundaries of taste with A Current Affair, they really need to try harder. 

When will these networks learn they have to root out the hand wringing lily-livered lefties (most of whom I'm sure are women) in their midst in order to service the Australian public's needs? 

There are so many exciting forms of prejudice – and yet they refuse to see the potential of any of it.  When will they see the picture? 

Probably never.  Which is why ten is so nervous, because seven eight nine, and will probably soon eat Aunty two.

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