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Man-crammed singles bar mistaken for gay bar
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Since joining the company five months ago, HR manager Helen Wilson has organized a series of team-building days and corporate outings aimed at boosting productivity and lowering absenteeism. But the results have been only feigned enthusiasm and a sexual harassment law suit resulting from a 'trust fall' exercise gone wrong.
The controversy over cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed in a Danish newspaper has led the producers of The Simpsons to reconsider his appearance in a forthcoming episode. In the cancelled episode, entitled Don’t Have A Pig, Man,
Mohammed
was to have appeared to Homer in a dream, converting him to Islam with
a promise of 770 donuts in the afterlife. The show is now undertaking a
review of its editorial policies, and also its life insurance policies.
The hit song “Hare Hare, Hare Krishna” entered its 1,974th week in the Number One position on the Hare Krishna Top 40 this week, setting a record that the Hare Krishna Musical Association (HKMA) says may never be beaten. “When we first started this chart more than thirty years ago, ‘Hare Hare’ was number one with a bullet,” says Hare Krishna and self-confessed “Hare Hare” fan Rahul Thiamangeran.
Australian Of The Year Ian Frazer announced today that he would dedicate his 2006 to promoting cervical cancer research to whoever hasn’t already forgotten him. “I will not rest until every single person attending a primary school or citizenship ceremony is aware of the exciting research in this field,” he said.“I will be to human papilloma virus vaccines what that woman was to that Bali thingy last year.”
National Party MPs have protested the loss of another ministerial post, disrupting the new Cabinet’s swearing-in with a chorus of obscenities. The Nationals’ loss occurred after Senator Julian McGauran defected, saying he felt he could ignore the interests of rural and regional Australians better as a member of the Liberal Party. The protest was led by Nationals Leader Mark Vaile, who, after swearing allegiance to the Queen audibly added, “But the Liberal Party can go fuck itself”.
Rhodes Scholar Jemima Caruso loves playing classical guitar, writing postmodern poetry and feeding homeless men. But if there is one thing she is passionate about, it is the destructive effect of British colonisation on the peoples of the world. And building her CV. Which is why when she takes up her scholarship in September, she will be heading to Oxford to study the issue at the highest level.
Wizened carny Dayle Rockford offers more thrills and chills than the amusement ride he operates, according to fairground patrons. The Fright Night Ghost Spooktacular uses a variety of props, ranging from looped howling sounds to a worn, fibreglass Freddy Krueger, but none are as effective at inciting terror as the appearance of its proprietor. Grimy, high on methamphetamines and sporting a collection of prison-issue tattoos, Rockford offers people of all ages a chance to confront the darker side of humanity.
Tropfest has revealed that terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden emerged from hiding to submit an entry to the short film festival just before its deadline on Thursday night. In announcing the first-time entrant’s participation, festival founder John Polson wildly screamed “Osama bin Laden is here!” before continuing with a lengthy, incoherent and probably drunken ramble about how awesome Sony Tropfest was, just awesome, yeah, woo hoo.
The man who escaped from Long Bay prison by losing weight and squeezing out of his cell has become the subject of a nation-wide manhunt by magazine editors looking for new dieting tips. While police appealed to Robert Cole to give himself up, the editor of Cosmopolitan appealed to the escapee to give up the secrets of how he managed to lose 14 kilograms in 4 weeks.
