Actress and TrimSpa spokeswoman Anna Nicole Smith has died at 39DD. The star has left behind one daughter, one stalker/lawyer and eighteen frivolous lawsuits. "It's comforting to know that Anna Nicole died doing what she loved," said a close friend. "The Bahamian Immigration Minister, apparently."

Sheikh Taj El-Din Hilali has agreed not to give any more sermons at the Lakemba mosque, following the intervention of fellow Muslims, or as the Sheikh called them, "Islamaphobes". The controversial cleric was also forced to deny that he was a bigot who hated Australia. "I think Australia is the greatest Satanic infidel country full of lying convicts in the world. I didn't wish to offend anyone, except idolators and Jews"

U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney hopes to receive a luke-warm reception when he visits Australia later this month, to thank Australia for the thankless task of participating in the war in Iraq. Mr Cheney's tour will also incorporate Japan, Guam, and a number of "undisclosed locations".

Channel Nine CEO Eddie McGuire has returned to the small screen, hosting a gameshow that features a triumph against the odds - beating Seven in the ratings. The much-hyped show, 1 vs 100, spent months in pre-production, as producers struggled to find 100 Nine viewers to serve as competitors.

A relationship quiz entitled Is He The One? that appeared in a recent issue of Cleo has led Sydney woman Jane Kurkova to break off her engagement with truck driver Miles Daly. Kurkova was "shocked and heartbroken" when her fiancée scored a mere four out of twenty, putting him firmly in the "Dump this frickin' loser already" category.