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Tuesday, 22 February 2005 |
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Environment Minister Ian Campbell stood by Australia's ambitious target of 0% participation in the protocol, and said the government would continue its efforts to reduce its environmental credibility to pre-1990 levels. |
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Tuesday, 22 February 2005 |
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The book, entitled How To Make A Duck With Matthew Hayden, features many of the struggling one-day batman's favourite dishes, including Duck Confit, Duck a la Harbajan Singh, and Golden Duck (Served on a bed of dressing-room door splinters). |
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Friday, 18 February 2005 |
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The Queen of England has endorsed Prince Charles' plans to wed Camilla Parker-Bowles, saying she would treat Camilla "like any other daughter-in-law". The palace confirmed that in accordance with tradition the Queen would drive Charles' new wife out of the family, preferably to an early death in a Paris tunnel. |
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Wednesday, 02 February 2005 |
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Al-Zarqawi says that the 'Rock The Vote' tour will prove popular with young people because of the huge bands that will participated. "There will been so many enormous bands of extremists throwing Molotov cocktails at polling booths," he enthused. |
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Wednesday, 02 February 2005 |
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The event at the Sydney Cricket Ground united Australia's tightly-knit expatriate scalper community, bringing portly, middle-aged Englishmen together to achieve a common goal of profiteering from other people's charity.
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Wednesday, 02 February 2005 |
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The Philippines' leading Michael Jackson impersonator, Kelvin Mendoza, is favoured to take out next week's South East Asia Michael Jackson Impersonation Championships after announcing his intention of being charged with child sex offences during the finals. |
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Wednesday, 02 February 2005 |
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Al Qaeda has applauded the launch of the new Airbus 380 Superjet. Speaking on an audio tape aired on the Al-Jazeera network, Al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden said that the jet was a product of infidel know-how that everyone could enjoy. |
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Wednesday, 02 February 2005 |
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The tsunami crisis worsened last night, when unpopular folk group the John Butler Trio performed at the WaveAid concert. The tea-cosy-wearing singer/activist swept away scores of concert goers with an enormous tide of self-righteousness and shitty music. |
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Wednesday, 02 February 2005 |
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President Bush has told reporters he is "looking forward to being inaugularalated for a second time" in a lavish ceremony on Capitol Hill. "I am honorific to be reinstallified in the officialness of the Presidenciary," he said. |
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Wednesday, 02 February 2005 |
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In its tradition of taking old ideas and passing them off as something new, The Chaser will soon be moving to an exciting new format – known as the internet. |
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Sunday, 23 January 2005 |
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[Edition 89] A spokesman denied that the latest incidents indicate a pattern of prisoner abuse by Coalition troops. "This is merely the thirty-seventh exception that proves the rule," he said. |
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Saturday, 22 January 2005 |
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[Edition 89] The PM rejected claims that the attack is linked to his government's policy. "That sort of thinking just gives succour to terrorists and people with rational objections to the government's policy," the Prime Minister said. |
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Friday, 21 January 2005 |
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[Edition 89] Simon Crean himself admits Latham may have underperformed him. "Latham was forced to leave by the State Premiers, used his last speech as an excuse to take bitter potshots at the media, and did it all with an unbelievably stupid haircut," he said. |
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Friday, 21 January 2005 |
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[Edition 89] Rudd has been busy lobbying colleagues for their support, or at least for them to stop taping rude signs to his back. "I've received a number of phone calls of support from my colleagues over the past few days," he said. "And that number is zero." |
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Friday, 14 January 2005 |
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[Edition 89] Injured tennis ace Mark Philippoussis has been forced to pull out of the draw for the Australian Open, shattering his dream of a first round loss to a wild card entrant. |
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Friday, 14 January 2005 |
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[Edition 89] "Oh Lord, please save us from the terrible fire that destroys everything in its path," one priest urged God. "Preferably with a terrible wave that destroys everything in its path." |
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Friday, 14 January 2005 |
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[Edition 89] "We're not going to let Mr Habib get away with his nefarious activities just because there's nothing illegal about them," Attorney-General Phillip Ruddock explained. |
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Friday, 14 January 2005 |
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[Edition 89] Devastated by injury, incompetence and Inzamam Ul-Haq, Pakistan now has to go through the grueling process of identifying why players were selected in the first place. |
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Friday, 14 January 2005 |
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[Edition 89] "This split has staggered me," one Hollywood insider said. "Not about Jennifer and Brad – they were obviously on the rocks - but I thought NW and maliciously wild gossip would be together forever. It seems you can't rely on anyone these days." |
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Wednesday, 12 January 2005 |
[Edition 89] More than $14 million was raised by fans who had seen the devastating images of shattered buildings and batting lineups on their televisions.
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