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Bumper stickers fail to free Tibet Print E-mail
Thursday, 16 February 2006
free_tibet_promo.jpgIn a sombre address to the UN yesterday, the Dalai Lama called on the international community to recognise that bumper sticker-based diplomacy had failed his country. While praising the efforts of Kombi drivers and cyclists for their dedicated support, the spiritual leader’s central message was one of disappointment. Despite claims, bumper stickers had neither “raised awareness” nor caused people to “get involved”.
 
HR woman single-handedly lowering staff morale Print E-mail
Tuesday, 07 February 2006
hrwoman_thumb.jpgSince joining the company five months ago, HR manager Helen Wilson has organized a series of team-building days and corporate outings aimed at boosting productivity and lowering absenteeism. But the results have been only feigned enthusiasm and a sexual harassment law suit resulting from a 'trust fall' exercise gone wrong.
 
“Hare Hare, Hare Krishna” still top of Hare Krishna music charts Print E-mail
Thursday, 02 February 2006
krishnathum_1.jpgThe hit song “Hare Hare, Hare Krishna” entered its 1,974th week in the Number One position on the Hare Krishna Top 40 this week, setting a record that the Hare Krishna Musical Association (HKMA) says may never be beaten. “When we first started this chart more than thirty years ago, ‘Hare Hare’ was number one with a bullet,” says Hare Krishna and self-confessed “Hare Hare” fan Rahul Thiamangeran.
 
Aussie anti-colonialism scholar "really must study in UK" Print E-mail
Friday, 27 January 2006
smug_girl_crop.jpgRhodes Scholar Jemima Caruso loves playing classical guitar, writing postmodern poetry and feeding homeless men. But if there is one thing she is passionate about, it is the destructive effect of British colonisation on the peoples of the world. And building her CV. Which is why when she takes up her scholarship in September, she will be heading to Oxford to study the issue at the highest level.
 
Ghost train operator scarier than ghost train Print E-mail
Wednesday, 25 January 2006
ghost_train_1.jpgWizened carny Dayle Rockford offers more thrills and chills than the amusement ride he operates, according to fairground patrons. The Fright Night Ghost Spooktacular uses a variety of props, ranging from looped howling sounds to a worn, fibreglass Freddy Krueger, but none are as effective at inciting terror as the appearance of its proprietor. Grimy, high on methamphetamines and sporting a collection of prison-issue tattoos, Rockford offers people of all ages a chance to confront the darker side of humanity.
 
Crazy Frog working on difficult second album Print E-mail
Thursday, 19 January 2006
frog2_thumb.jpgRecord label Jamster! has announced that the scheduled release of the Crazy Frog’s follow-up to Jingle Bells/U Can’t Touch This has been delayed indefinitely. The album, featuring the working title Ring Ding Ding!, has been dogged by staff walk-outs, contract disputes and, insiders say, increasingly bitter disagreement over its creative direction.
 
Karaoke video director opts for cast of unknowns Print E-mail
Thursday, 12 January 2006
unknown.jpgWhen Marty Grossman decided to realize his dream of bringing Billy Idol’s hit Hot In the City to the small screen, one question kept him awake at night. Who would be its star? The answer, when it came, was an epiphany. He would assemble a crew of inexperienced but dedicated amateur actors, promotional models and attractive pedestrians filmed surreptitiously.
 
Bigamist to appear in every episode of 'Wife Swap' Print E-mail
Tuesday, 13 December 2005
bigamist3thumb.jpg A Salt Lake City man has had all 13 of his applications for the next series of reality series Wife Swap accepted, enabling each of his wives to participate in the show. “I can’t wait for the series to start,” said bigamist Sean Huggins, “Wife Swap is going to be a great challenge, even if it’s the same challenge I face every day.”
 
Steve Jacobs delivers weather report tantalizingly close to electrical storm Print E-mail
Thursday, 08 December 2005
stevej.jpg Today weather and funny man Steve Jacobs delivered his unique brand of weather related infotainment only metres from potentially lethal fork lightning, Sydney resident Harry Wilson reported yesterday. The former All Together Now star came oh-so-close to an ironic and pleasing televised demise.
 
Unemployed porn actor gets job as topless waitress Print E-mail
Wednesday, 30 November 2005
lapdancer_sml_1.jpg19-year-old topless waitress Britney Harrison has found work on the floor at lingerie restaurant The Birdhouse – but only until she gets her big break. “I know it sounds clichéd,” says Harrison “a topless waitress who wants to be an porn actress, but the hours really suit my lifestyle and drug habit. I can always take time off to do an audition, and you’d be surprised how often the customers here offer me roles. I might ever get discovered – the BangBus could be right around the corner,” she laughs.
 
Viewer still unsure if Mythbusters are gay Print E-mail
Wednesday, 23 November 2005
mythbusters_1.jpg After two seasons of watching Mythbusters, Redfern woman Sue Hooper still hasn’t reached a definitive conclusion about the sexual orientation of hosts Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman. Months of painstaking anecdotal enquiry have left her only “90% sure that Jamie is gay, and Adam is just his good friend. Or at any rate that Jamie is gay, and Adam is mostly straight but has a little crush on him. Or I guess one of them could be bi, although it doesn’t seem quite right for some reason.”
 
Student broadens horizons with GAP year at private school similar to own Print E-mail
Monday, 21 November 2005
private_school_thumb_1.jpgAs some HSC students banally weigh up the merits of studying at Sydney or Macquarie in the new year, some like Barker College student Marcus Hawley are choosing a wilder unknown way. Boarding life will come as no shock for Hawley. Though his family lives at Warrawee, only a handful of suburbs away from Barker, he boarded at the Hornsby school for his final years so he could concentrate on his studies and many extra-curricular activities, chief among them rugby and golf.
 
Lame satirical article labours point Print E-mail
Monday, 14 November 2005
satire_thumbnail_1.jpgA satirical article laboured the point yesterday, merely dragging out the headline for another 300 words, unconfirmed sources reported.

As often happens with these articles, a point was made in the second paragraph, then only repeated with a direct quote. "That often happens with these kinds of things. A point is made then a quote follows, only labouring the point further," satire expert Dr Unconvincing Pseudonopolous said yesterday.

 
Woman swallows medicine ball: just gets sicker Print E-mail
Thursday, 10 November 2005
medicine_ball_1.jpgA Melbourne woman has questioned the medicinal qualities of 5kg leather balls after demonstrating that, when ingested, they do not to improve patient health. Katrina Tsun, 24, swallowed a whole medicine ball on Friday night in the hope it would ease her stomach ache. “To be honest, it just made me feel worse,” the disappointed pharmacology student reported.
 
Sensible cowboy hates being stereotyped Print E-mail
Thursday, 03 November 2005
cowboy_thumb.jpgAppalled by the latent prejudice he encounters everyday, ranch-hand Jimmy “Montana” Pitt has launched a one man crusade against those who vilify cowboys. “The word ‘cowboy’ has come to be associated with slip-shod, hot-headed work. But most of us are hard working folk, and today ranching is a very valuable part of the economy,” said Pitt, pausing to spit tebaccy in front of assembled reporters. “If it weren’t for us, this country would be in ten-feet high o’ horseshit (‘scuse me ladies). Why, it done been estimated that rustlin’ alone costs the US Government a $10 million a year. Contarnit.”
 
Late night TV converts viewer to Christianity Print E-mail
Thursday, 20 October 2005
benny_hinn_thumb2.jpgSpurred on by his viewing of pre-dawn television, 41 year-old printer salesman Andrew Smithers has found God. Smithers says that the conversion process began at 12.00am Wednesday with the Channel Ten chat show Face to Face. “At first I thought it was just an informative discussion of world events conducted by people I could relate to,” says Smithers. “But I soon realized there was more to it. They kept talking about a very special man with an important message for us all, and that man wasn’t Anthony Robbins.”
 
New Senate launches inquiry into PM's brilliance Print E-mail
Tuesday, 12 July 2005

The Coalition will use its new numbers to establish a wide-ranging probe into the achievements of John Howard as Prime Minister. The inquiry will present its findings in a series of 30-second TV commercials shortly before the next election.
 
ASIC applauds Vizard's hilarious impersonation of corporate criminal Print E-mail
Tuesday, 12 July 2005

"From the obvious conflicts of interest to the outrageous abuse of a position of trust, even down to the dodgy accountant, this is Vizard's most side-splittingly accurate impersonation ever," ASIC chairman Jeffrey Lucy said.
 
IRC claims unfair dismissal by Howard govt Print E-mail
Friday, 03 June 2005

The government says it is unhappy with the AIRC's performance at work and has decided to terminate its services. "We've given the AIRC plenty of written warnings," Mr Howard said. "In fact every IR policy I've ever issued was a written warning."
 
G8 agrees to cancel third world debt if Geldof cancels concert Print E-mail
Friday, 03 June 2005

The world's economic powerhouses have agreed to relinquish the third world's multi-trillion dollar debt, describing it as a "small price to pay" to ensure that the Live 8 concert series never happens.
 
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