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Thursday, 17 November 2005 |
 Hopes were dashed last night when the first round of the Ford v Holden peace talks ended without any commitment to future actions. Organizers were confident that the talks could heal the rift in the bogan community caused by this decades old conflict, but once again the result was little more than infighting, recalcitrance and drunken punch-ups in the car park.
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Tuesday, 15 November 2005 |
 Olympic gold medallist Grant Hackett has ruled himself out of the Commonwealth Games next year, fearing swimming could interfere with his attempts to sell children's snack products. Hackett recently injured his shoulder while wriggling comically for an Uncle Toby's ad, and worries the Games might hinder his recovery enough to stop him pretending to swim in future commercials. |
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Friday, 11 November 2005 |
 The Australian team are nearing readiness for the upcoming football World Cup, with most of the players having already completed their preparations to spend June 2006 at a luxury resort. The team only needs to dispense with the formality of a series loss to Uruguay before team management can book the trip to Fiji. |
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Friday, 21 October 2005 |
 Australia has secured the most comprehensive win in Test cricket history, defeating both the World XI and the whole idea of a Rest of the World team in under four days. The World XI was defeated by 210 runs, after scoring only 144 in their second innings and even less in terms of credibility. The series closed with an Australian declaration: Australian ICC chief Malcolm Speed declaring that there would not be another Super Series for many years to come. |
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Monday, 10 October 2005 |
 The World XI were relieved by how few people witnessed their abysmal performance in the first of the Super Series one-dayers last Wednesday. But while official attendance figures recorded a crowd of eight, actual numbers were almost double that, since many of the World XI side themselves were spectators. “It was a shame there were so few people in the crowd,” admitted World XI captain Shaun Pollock. “Unlike us, they were holding their catches and we needed all the help we could get.” |
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