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Ancient Egyptians implicated in pyramid scheme
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Contestants on would-be-royalty reality show Australian Princess have expressed concerns about having to give birth in a newly added segment on the show, after Princess Mary gave birth this week. The new round will see contestants forced to give birth while a sneering Paul Burrell looks on, ridiculing their childbearing technique and posture. In line with royal custom, if any of the children are considered valuable, Burrell will then steal and try to hock them. 
Exit polls from Saturday's referendum on Iraq's constitution indicate that Sunni, Shi'ite and Kurdish groups agree only on their right to bear arms against members of the other two groups. The right to bear arms was considered a far more important right than free elections, free speech or the right to life, which in Iraq is considered practically worthless. 
Fast food giant KFC has reassured customers that even in the event of total contamination of the world’s chicken stocks by bird flu, its menu will remain safe. “Bird flu should be of no concern to anyone consuming KFC products” a spokesperson said. “Unless, of course, it can be spread to rabbits.” 
Still reeling from the terrible impact of Hurricane Katrina on their city, New Orleans residents are seeking solace in the chaos of earthquake-ravaged Pakistan. Travel agencies have reported scores of Southerners heading to the afflicted Kashmiri region, looking for adventure and poorly secured electronic goods. 
The Bali 9 have struck a deal with Indonesian prosecutors, under which they’ll chance a firing squad in return for $5000 cash. “Yes, the odds of getting through a firing squad aren’t good,” admitted accused Scott Rush. “But they’ve got to be better than the odds of getting through Indonesian customs with heroin strapped to your stomach.” The offer was accepted on the eve of the Bali 9 trials, after which the Bali 9 were widely expected to become the Bali 0. 
