In what has been seen by many as a cathartic move for the troubled nation of Iraq, Saddam Hussein has been sentenced to death for ordering the killing of 148 Shi'ites in 1982. After much deliberation, the judge decided the most cost-effective means of execution was simply to drop the former dictator from a low-flying plane, onto the streets of Baghdad. "Saddam will be dressed in a US army uniform, armed with a blunt machete and jettisoned in an escape pod," explained Judge Arif Shaheen. "Insurgents will take care of the rest."

Peaking demand for commodities, investor jitters and competition with Japan have all been blamed for the recent Shanghai stock market crash, but now fingers are being pointed at a more familiar culprit - Microsoft software. Expecting a standard operating system, traders panicked when confronted with a series of ethereal, floating squares, a design one described as "even more wanky than a Mac, with none of the functionality."

An unapologetic Tony Blair has announced that British troops will begin a phased withdrawal from Iraq. “We decided that our situation in the country was no longer tenable,” said the embattled Prime Minister. “And then we waited three years.”