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Speed limit around schools reduced to 40 grams an hour
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Starbucks Coffee has shut down most of its Australian stores and made
their staff redundant, a move that was widely expected after a spate of
closures in the US. The move came after the company’s sales figures
confirmed market research predictions that Australian consumers were
unwilling to pay $5 for a cup of hot milk.
While the racing world reels from the devastating effects of
equine flu, there is one group feeling optimistic about the future. "It's a
shame those trainers and horse owners have lost millions of dollars," said gambling
addict Tommy Vincent. "But on the plus side, my son can get those braces he
needs."
Workplace Relations Minister Joe Hockey called John Howard
the “Don Bradman of Australian politics” this week because his
magnificent record of victories will be forever tarnished by
an embarrassing defeat in his final contest. "I was originally trying to
pay tribute to the PM's resiliance by evoking the image of the Don
batting on and on forever, immovably," Hockey said. "But as a Costello
supporter, the other implication doesn't exactly bother me."
After almost two decades of catering to the musical tastes
of the middle-aged, country singer James Blundell finally learned the secret of
cornering the youth market – have regular sex with them. “I saw Jesse Curran at
one of my concerts,” he revealed. “At first I thought she must’ve been there to hear my awesome live version of Way Out West, but it turned out she was just there with her dad."
Embattled President George W. Bush says he now values John Howard's
friendship more than ever. "After all these years, John and I find
ourselves in a similar situation," he said during a joint press
conference at APEC. "I'm prevented from being re-elected by the US
Constitution, and he's prevented by public opinion."
