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In his latest attempt to capture
the public imagination, Opposition Leader Kim Beazley has announced
that he will abolish Australian Workplace Agreements, an act that would
be almost as popular as him resigning. Mindful of continuing poor
poll numbers, Beazley has asked the party faithful to be patient. "This
issue won't get traction for a while - but it should really start
to hurt the Liberals after they're back in Government next year,"
he said. "And once the negative feeling from the invasion of Afghanistan
and Peter Reith's Telecard scam catches up with them, they're
finished."
Fresh from his role in the
Beaconsfield mine tragedy, AWU Secretary Bill Shorten has become the
unofficial face of another disaster - the political career of Kim
Beazley. Beazley became trapped in the leadership after the Federal election campaign collapsed, killing the
political career of Mark Latham and wounding many others.
Miners Brant Webb and Todd Russell have asked to be returned to their
cage a kilometre underground after facing the media scrum waiting for
them in Beaconsfield. The pair say that being trapped without solid
food for another 320 hours is less painful a prospect than an interview
with Naomi Robson.
With fuel prices set to hit
$1.50 a litre, the nation's itinerants are increasingly looking to
alternatives to fossil fuels to drown their sorrows. The ‘big four'
petrol companies stand accused of ripping off petrol sniffers at the
pump, pocketing record profits while pan-handlers have to work overtime
just to get wasted. With millions of Indian and Chinese beggars set
to enter the world sniffing market, the price of a cup is set to increase
even further, leading to some to seek out more earth-friendly intoxicants. 
The Howard Government has responded to Indonesian criticism by
toughening its immigration laws, introducing the Pacific Cruise
Solution. Asylum-seekers will now be intercepted before they reach the
mainland and incarcerated aboard a debauched, drug-fuelled P&O
cruise around the region. Only the refugees who survive the harrowing programme of drugtaking, group sex and deck quoits
will be allowed to apply for residency in Australia.
