Defying the Biblical concept of free will, Sydney Archbishop George Pell has ordered Catholic MPs to follow his moral lead or risk the fires of damnation. "Politicians who support stem cell legislation must realise their voting has consequences for their place in the life of the church," he said. "My conscience is clear...as it should be to any God-fearing elected official who wants communion next Sunday. Let he who is without sin cast the first vote."

Prime Minister John Howard has revealed an ambitious scheme to trade carbon dioxide emissions for votes in the upcoming Federal Election. The scheme involves companies trading pollution with each other in the form of political capital for the Coalition.

With the sale of 75% of PBL Media to a foreign superannuation company, James Packer has finally given up control of the family's media empire. When asked what he planned to do with the $5 billion proceeds of the deal, Packer said he intends to "make the leap Dad never did - into intelligent, engaging media ventures".

Although terror detainee David Hicks has been back in Australia for a few weeks, the 31-year-old claims he feels like he "never left Cuba". Citing the geographical isolation and social desolation of South Australia's capital city, human rights groups have called Hicks' return to Adelaide proof the Howard government endorses the use of torture.