Chaser updatesNewsletterSyndicate
Click then cut and paste the URL to subscribe to our RSS feed
Website login |
News
|
Visit our MySpace page, now with video.
Chaser events |
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
Fake log fire blamed for causing fake house fire
|
Rugby League fans were shocked this week, by the
unbelievable revelation that an overpaid, understimulated sportsman with plenty
of free time had experimented with drugs. "I can't believe it," said Newcastle
Knights fan Bill Adams. "Who would've thought a footballer would be anything
but a moral paragon?"
After almost two decades of catering to the musical tastes
of the middle-aged, country singer James Blundell finally learned the secret of
cornering the youth market – have regular sex with them. “I saw Jesse Curran at
one of my concerts,” he revealed. “At first I thought she must’ve been there to hear my awesome live version of Way Out West, but it turned out she was just there with her dad."
Embattled President George W. Bush says he now values John Howard's
friendship more than ever. "After all these years, John and I find
ourselves in a similar situation," he said during a joint press
conference at APEC. "I'm prevented from being re-elected by the US
Constitution, and he's prevented by public opinion."
Despite regularly winning the Thursday night trivia at his local
watering hole, history buff Gerald Sugden failed to answer a single
question correctly during his one-night stint on the Nine Network’s Temptation.
Viewers say Sugden occasionally attempted to press his buzzer, but for
the most part sat silently, with an intense look of sweaty, baffled
concentration.
Schools all across Australia
have stridently denied the Federal Government's allegation that left-wing
teachers are indoctrinating Rock Eisteddfod participants. "There's only one way
to fight the insulting assertion that we don't have minds of our own," said
Year 11 student Karen Carlon. "And that's with some snappy choreography to Queen
and David Bowie's Under Pressure."
Seeking to follow in the footsteps of well-received movies
like Spider-Man 3, Shrek The Third and Pirates Of The
Caribbean: At World's End, director Stephen Herek has announced plans to
make Bill & Ted's Radical Pilgrimage later this year. "I think the
time is right for us to all learn what happened to the dudes 16 years on," he
said. "Are they still married to the babes? Are the Wyld Stallyns still
together?"
In the wake of fresh crackdowns on unlawful file-sharing,
Peter Andre has announced that he personally has no problem with people making
digital copies of his work and trading them online. "If the people want to hear
my work, who am I to stand in their way?" he said. "I sang 'Gimme Little
Sign' for the fans, not for the money."
According to millions of overweight, socially awkward
players worldwide, life on Earth cannot hope to compete with a virtual
existence comprised of heroic adventure, powerful magic and sexy maidens in
need of rescue from dragons. For many, attaining level 70 in World Of
Warcraft is a far more worthy achievement than anything they could hope to
accomplish outside the game.
The beleaguered Immigration Minister, Kevin Andrews, is now claiming
that Dr Mohamed Haneef visited a New York strip club in 2003. Andrews
says the Australian Federal Police believe that Haneef visited Scores
with a shady character known for his dubious morals, but the doctor has
strenuously denied knowing Col Allan.
An unprecedented era of book-enjoyment has come
to a halt this month, as children around the world finish the final
chapter of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows. "I didn't know whether Harry
or Voldemort was going to die in Book Seven," one fan said. "But I've always
known that when the series ended, I'd be saying ‘avada kedavra' to my interest
in books."
Danish tourist Nikolaj Neilsen, who has been lost in the Snowy
Mountains for seven days, is already
imagining a successful and profitable publishing career once he is rescued. The
23-year-old fell 35 metres when a rope snapped, causing him serious injury.
"I've been keeping a video diary," he said, sheltering under an icy overhang. "I
plan to use it as a reference when I recount my harrowing experience in a gripping
tale of tenacity and survival for a major publisher."
Iraq’s football team has won its first ever major trophy after
defeating Saudi Arabia in the finals of this year’s Asian Football Cup,
and ecstatic Baghdad residents diverted their regular gunfire into the
air in celebration.
