Despite reports he is more interested in pizza than swimming, Ian Thorpe has vowed to compete in the Beijing Olympics, across more than one lane if necessary. But there are fears the out-of-condition Thorpe could fall foul of the sport's strict "no bombing" rule. The star's management has reportedly already raised the matter with the IOC, requesting that Olympic swimming introduce weight divisions, and lift the ban on wearing hydro-dynamic girdles in the pool.  

The Thorpedo is in serious danger of being decommissioned

Should Thorpe quit swimming, his lucrative endorsement contracts could be in jeopardy, and insiders say he is already considering a line of "Big Ian" branded household cleaners for promotion on morning television. In the meantime, long-time sponsors Armani have stood by the star, promising to use his image to promote their new range "for the larger man". A Channel Nine spokesman said the network had no intention of "boning" Thorpe, and management were instead considering him as a Celebrity Makeover contestant. The star's popularity in Asia is still massive - a Japanese ship is now tracking his movements for research purposes.

Australian swimming authorities are said to be privately disappointed with Thorpe's lackadaisical approach. "We're going to have to overhaul his support staff," said a senior figure, "starting with Shane Warne's nutritionist."

"We want Ian doing PBs, not VBs" he added.