Officers refused to strip-search Stallone

Further complications arose when Customs officials raided Stallone's hotel room. Not only were members of his entourage spotted throwing unidentified substances out the window, but Mercedes Corby was seen leaving via the back door.

"This is Stallone's biggest crime since Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!," claimed Richard Janeczko, national manager of investigations for Australian Customs. "At first we considered seeking jail time or a fine, but in the end decided it'd be more constructive for the community if we put a ban on against-the-odds, underdog tales of violence and heroism in the boxing ring."

Janeczko went on to say they were hoping to get Judge Dredd for the hearing, but would settle for Mark Holden: "His work on Australian Idol should give him plenty of experience dealing with argumentative, talentless performers. Plus, if he finds in our favour, Sly might punch him."

Taking a break from punching cow carcasses and running up Philadelphian staircases, Stallone was philosophical about the whole affair. "Lucky for me, they only specified no Rocky sequels, so Rambo IV: Pearl Of The Cobra's still good to go. Watch out for Tango & Cash II next year, too."

In the wake of the investigation, Stallone has cancelled the Bali leg of his world tour.