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Rudd achieves nuclear disarmament of Garrett
Friday, 04 May 2007
Rudd and Garrett use interpretative dance to explain their new nuclear policy
In what may be his biggest victory yet, Opposition Leader
Kevin Rudd has unilaterally disarmed formerly outspoken anti-nuclear activist
Peter Garrett. The Shadow Minister For Climate Change, Environment & Heritage,
Arts had his anti-uranium core removed and deactivated by the new leader in a delicate
operation that took place hours before the Labor national conference.
By disarming Garrett, Rudd has neatly avoided the threat of
mutually-assured destruction, a theoretical scenario in which economically unpopular
policies lead the business community to uniformly endorse the re-election of John
Howard. This, analysts say, would trigger a harsh, three-year nuclear winter that
Labor would struggle to survive.
"I'm very proud to announce that Mr Garrett is now 100% safe
and opinion-free," said Rudd, in an address to the party faithful. "He poses
absolutely no threat to the health and wellbeing of Australia's
aspirational voters, business lobbyists or mining executives. Rest assured,
when Peter sings ‘If I work all day in the Blue Sky Mine, there'll be food on
the table tonight', he's no longer being ironic."
Garrett was quick to dismiss accusations he has become a
puppet of ALP heavies. "As a team player, I've merely adopted Kevin's slogan of
‘Fresh thinking'," he explained. "By making an abrupt about-face on topics like
the US-Australia alliance and Pine Gap, I've been able to bring other environmental
issues to the forefront of this electoral campaign. For example, both sides of
politics are now paying valuable lip service to the issue of climate change."
With Rudd having successfully rendered all members of his Cabinet inert as he prepares to fight the next election, experts say that the most likely Australian politician to produce an uncontrollable meltdown is now Bill Heffernan.
Re: [Article]Rudd achieves nuclear disarmament of Garrett Krelas May 10th, 2007 - 7:27 AMShould really make him the minister for indigenous affairs
[Article]Rudd achieves nuclear disarmament of Garrett Mez May 10th, 2007 - 8:14 AMHahaha, extremely clever article.
Re: [Article]Rudd achieves nuclear disarmament of Garrett Pertinax May 10th, 2007 - 8:24 AMIt looks like Kevvie is immitating the Labor Party Coat of Arms.
Their motto is "Our Policy Mistakes Were Their Fault"
[Article]Rudd achieves nuclear disarmament of Garrett DiddlySquat May 10th, 2007 - 8:57 AMTriffic stuff.
Too many gems to single out just one.
(I guess it would be hard to single out 2)
Re: [Article]Rudd achieves nuclear disarmament of Garrett Vince Ficarra May 10th, 2007 - 9:59 AMGarrett... let's hope if Labour gain power he is true to his beleifs and uses the opportunity to do something good for the conservation of our country. Let's not loose faith in him, but in the same breath not get our hopes up.
Re: [Article]Rudd achieves nuclear disarmament of Garrett Biscuit May 10th, 2007 - 11:39 PM
Garrett... let's hope if Labour gain power he is true to his beleifs and uses the opportunity to do something good for the conservation of our country. Let's not loose faith in him, but in the same breath not get our hopes up.
1. What the hell is "loose faith" 2. You need to get a life
[Article]Rudd achieves nuclear disarmament of Garrett hammerondaridiculous May 11th, 2007 - 3:41 AMGold Article - and so true
You don't want to be anywhere near Pete when he 'goes off'!
