Nikolaj shows off his first bit of heroic frostbite

Although he is delirious from a lack of food and loss of blood, Neilsen has managed to keep his spirits up: "The only thing that's kept me going, despite my frostbitten leg and broken arm, is the thought of all the inspirational talks I can give at universities and schools. Picturing their awed faces as I share my brave story almost makes having to drink my own urine worthwhile."

"I might even get to meet Ray Martin," he added.

"I'm trying to think of chapter headings that sum up the trauma and heroism of my struggle," he said, eating a handful of dirty snow to ward off starvation. "The cover picture will probably be a shot of me looking battered but unbowed as I'm discovered by a search team that's been working day and night to bring me to safety. I'll get the guy who finds me to take my photo."

"Maybe they'll even make a film of my saga, like Touching The Void. I'd probably want a less wanky title for it, though."

Although he does not yet represent Neilsen, superagent Harry M. Miller says he is already in advanced negotiations with several energy bar manufacturers for their product to be the one Neilsen is first photographed with after he is found.

Local authorities have called off the search.

[Article]Lost mountain-climber already envisioning book deal hammerondaridiculous    August 30th, 2007 - 6:38 AM Nice article, I Like.. I Like.... As a primary option for all future search and rescue operations in snowbound areas, I propose we just send in the dogs. Not the well trained st. bernard with the barrel of brandy, oooooh no! That's for Swiss bloody tourists! I'm talking a hungry desert dingo, all primed to go. The sort of dog that makes an original outback mother regret having twins. This is the sort of dog that'd make a tourist wish they'd never gone & done stupid things on a snow covered mountain, that caused them to get lost in the first place. And at the end of the day, when it came time for the police to face the relatives of the lost/dead snowboarder/skier/highland wanderer/fuckwit who likes to bushwalk in blizzards - The police could save a hell of a lot of time and money by just scraping a dog turd off the footpath, sticking it in the fridge over night, and confronting the relatives the next morning with the phrase "We found some remains, but....." You know it makes sense

[Article]Lost mountain-climber already envisioning book deal Greasy Belcher    September 6th, 2007 - 8:16 AM Alternate Headline: George Michael Look A-like Dissapears In Huge Crevace. Dutch tousist Nikolaj Neilsen spend a week in a snow white valley drinking urine and dreaming of visiting school children. He is currently in negotiations with several energy drink manufacturers who are all bidding for the chance to bottle his piss and sell it to the  increasingly stupid Xtreme sports market.  When asked the possibility of him creating his own body waste based food product Nikolaj Neilsen answered, "I don't want to say to much now, but I've got something in the pipeline." Local Authorities called off the search when Nikolaj Neilsen was found, but a spokesman has stated "I'd he hits the bigtime we will start searching again and bill him by the hour". A spokeperson for the publishing industry rejected Nikolaj's book and film script saying the book "was touching the nul and void" Nikolaj Neilsen chewed off his right powerbar whist in the crevace, currently scientists are trying to graft peanuts into a mint fredo until technology provides a viable alternative.

Re: [Article]Lost mountain-climber already envisioning book deal DiddlySquat    September 6th, 2007 - 9:47 AM Great work Belch. And this is gold................... Quote from: Greasy Belcher on September 07, 2007, 12:16:08 AM When asked the possibility of him creating his own body waste based food product Nikolaj Neilsen answered, "I don't want to say to much now, but I've got something in the pipeline."