A knight wishes he could chase the dragon

Andrew ‘Joey' Johns, who was caught with ecstasy at a London train station, claimed a stranger had slipped the drug into his pocket at a nightclub: "People are always giving me things without me knowing. Booze, pills, Dally M medals - you name it. I'm usually too out of it to notice." 

During a televised interview with Phil Gould, Johns told of his 12-year dalliance with drugs and alcohol. "In some ways, ecstasy actually improved my game," he said. "I'd just get out there and want to tackle every player on the other team and give them a big kiss. The scrums were the best bit, though. They're like a massive group hug."

The Footy Show has handled the issue tastefully, with host Paul Vautin declaring a month-long moratorium on "That's Gold!" calls to mourn the loss of League's innocence. Paul Harrogan has been wearing a black armband, and Reg Reagan has been sporting a ‘Bring Back The Spliff' T-shirt. 

Although some of his sponsors have terminated his endorsement contracts, Johns has received messages of support from Kate Moss, George Michael and Malcolm Fraser. "This sort of thing can happen to anyone," claimed Wendell Sailor. "Andrew should be thanking his stars they didn't catch him a week earlier, when we were snorting coke off that hooker's tits."