While the racing world reels from the devastating effects of
equine flu, there is one group feeling optimistic about the future. "It's a
shame those trainers and horse owners have lost millions of dollars," said gambling
addict Tommy Vincent. "But on the plus side, my son can get those braces he
needs."
"Die, you four-legged homewreckers," screamed housewife Flo
Black, whose husband routinely blows all his family's grocery-shopping money at
the track, upon hearing of the viral outbreak. "Cough yourselves to death and rot
in your mucous-ridden graves."
According to experts, horse flu has had the biggest impact
on Australia's
gambling industry since a group of Victorian poker machines caught a computer
virus in 2001. "Just like those days, we can look forward to seeing a rise in family
boardgame nights and a decrease in drunken arguments and barrel-wearing," said family
psychologist Lyn Fields.
Other sectors are feeling the effects of the illness, with Federal
Agriculture Minister Peter McGauran offering emergency relief packages to a number
of milliners and fascinator designers. "These people are the forgotten victims
of equine flu," he said. "Without racing carnivals, there's really no reason
for anyone to wear the ridiculous headgear that is their bread and butter."
"It's a terrible shame about the horses - but at least I
still have the dishlickers," said lovable punter Jack Bleakley, withdrawing a
large sum of money from his wife's savings account. "All I need is one
trifecta, and the kids'll be getting Christmas presents this year."
The Impact Of Horse Flu
Equine influenza crashed into Australia's
racing industry and caused a sniffly, sore-throated ruckus. In the wake of the
epidemic, life has become very difficult for riders, trainers and owners...not
to mention the afflicted horses themselves. In fact, since the first case was
recorded earlier this year:
* Sales of equine Dimetapp, Vicks Hay Drops and giant
tissues have skyrocketed
* Bart Cummings has hocked his Golden Slippers and started
selling Big Issue to make ends meet
* Jockeys have been forced to take up humiliating positions
in Wizard Of Oz stageshows and those TV ads where it's really funny
because they've been given deep voices
* Trainers have experimented with teaching other animals to
race - so far they've had no luck fitting wombats or kangaroos with saddles,
but the emus could be a goer
* Some affected horses have become depressed, leading them
to dye their manes black, comb them into a side fringe and start listening to My
Chemical Romance
* Angry tween girls have been ritually burning their Saddle
Club DVDs
* Johnny Tapp has released an album of his greatest calls to
raise money for destitute racing identities
[Article]Gamblers` families welcome equine flu KNO September 26th, 2007 - 8:18 PMSo true...may have cost the TAB and horse owners millions... but probably saved aussie families 10 times more...
Re: [Article]Gamblers` families welcome equine flu Bruce Campbell September 27th, 2007 - 3:59 AMHmmm...bit slow on this one.
I mean, Horse Flu has stopped being new, and I've already belaboured the "but it's good for Aussie families" thing to death.
Re: [Article]Gamblers` families welcome equine flu Goose September 28th, 2007 - 12:10 AMi'm all for having a chuckle at these things and did do (even if a little belatedly) but as for all this good for Australian families nonsense, that is a crock.
Problem Gamblers just bet on other things, there is still racing on all over the country, they increase there bets and bet on horses they know less about, there is no upside, it is all downside.
So true...may have cost the TAB and horse owners millions... but probably saved aussie families 10 times more...
forget the horse owners and TAB, they are least of the people effected, the stable hands, second tier trainers and Jockeys, strappers and alike whose livelyhood has been lost for 3 to 6 months, how do you reckon they are travelling, they are Australian families and they are going broke.
Not to mention retaillers that rely on the race track for significant parts of their income, people who print the programs, work on the gates and all that.
Also what am i suppose to do on saturday now if I cant gamble my hard earned.....
There is no upside.
That said I'm happy for satire of the article(and always am), but the serious agreement of the comments of saving families and good for gamblers shits me...
Re: [Article]Gamblers` families welcome equine flu blue October 2nd, 2007 - 9:06 PM
Quote from: The article
* Sales of... giant tissues have skyrocketed
Loving the visual image.
I can imagine a chaser stunt involving a giant tissue box... You couldn't give it to any horses though because of the quarantine. Maybe you could try and give it to federal ag minister Peter McGauran? The federal and state governments are doing a pretty sub-par job at handling this outbreak, they could do with a little help...
And I guess the non-horsey public are like Thal, 'horse flu isn't new anymore'... well this outbreak is going to go on for a bloody long time, and the amount of news coverage doesn't even cover the extent of the problem. This article is yet another that is all about racehorses. What about the other 80% of horses in this country? They don't seem to exist because no-one bets on them...
Quote from: The article
* Some affected horses have become depressed, leading them to dye their manes black, comb them into a side fringe and start listening to My Chemical Romance
Forget the horses, I'm getting all emo about it myself!
Lost income, I had planned to move house but now that's all up in the air, so I've got a whole shitload of stress and uncertainty, plus some bloody inconvenient biosecurity measures, and now it seems that I'm just waiting for my horses to get it because it's only a couple of km away from where they are and closing in fast...
*sigh*
And I'm a lot better off than many other people are...
Problem Gamblers just bet on other things, there is still racing on all over the country, they increase there bets and bet on horses they know less about, there is no upside, it is all downside.
forget the horse owners and TAB, they are least of the people effected, the stable hands, second tier trainers and Jockeys, strappers and alike whose livelyhood has been lost for 3 to 6 months, how do you reckon they are travelling, they are Australian families and they are going broke.
I agree with you on the gambling thing. Plus there are thousands of non-racing people affected. Farriers, coaches, riding schools, horse breakers, breeders of all other horse breeds, performance horse trainers, grooms, saddlery stores, chiros, dentists, horse massage people... We're not all covered by a single powerful lobby group with lots of money behind it like the racing industry...
Even the vets are struggling, although you'd think they'd be the ones benefiting from this! They're all working long hours, weekends, not having days off, and I've heard that the government is very behind in paying them. Plus their normal business operations have been affected because they can't go to 'clean' properties straight after they've had contact with EI...
Heh, I could go on forever about this!
The quarantine system in this country is a joke.
The silver lining is that at least this isn't foot and mouth...
*Tries to stop ranting*
Oh, and a lot more horses have died than the handful reported in the media...
*Ties own hands behind back*
Re: [Article]Gamblers` families welcome equine flu CB October 3rd, 2007 - 3:26 AM
Quote
* Some affected horses have become depressed, leading them to dye their manes black, comb them into a side fringe and start listening to My Chemical Romance
* Angry tween girls have been ritually burning their Saddle Club DVDs
