Bowing to pressure from fellow Republicans, conservative media pundits and his numerous spouses, devout Mormon Mitt Romney announced he was no longer contesting the presidency. “If I’d stayed in, I'd have made it easier for Senator Clinton or Barack Obama to win. And in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror,” he said. “Also, my third wife is trying for another child, and I really need to be around the compound when she's ovulating.”

Romney illustrates his return on investment (ROI) for the $50m he spent on his Presidential race

But Romney had argued that charities, schools and state fundraisers would have benefited from having a First, Second and Third Lady, which he promised would have led to a 300% rise in ribbon cutting during his first term.

Romney's campaign was initially dogged by concerns that evangelical Republicans would refuse to vote for a devout Mormon, but as it progressed, that fear dissipated. “The good news is that exit polling showed overwhelmingly that his faith was not an issue,” Romney's campaign manager said. “The bad news is that his personality was.”

In recent weeks, Romney had tried to rebrand himself as the genuine conservative in the race, hampered only by every single position he held while a liberal governor in Massachusetts. “I say I'm conservative because if nominated, I would have successfully preserved the status quo,” Romney said. “That is, a total Democrat ascendancy.”

Rudy Giuliani, another candidate who failed to appeal to the party’s conservative base, also criticised the former Governor. “Why would any man want to take his second and third wife on simultaneously, instead of in quick succession like I did?” the former New York mayor said. “Especially when it’s so easy just to have an affair on the public purse instead.”

“9/11,” Giuliani added.

Romney, a former management consultant, ultimately reacted to his poor performance on Super Tuesday with a round of severe downsizing. “I'm sad to be conceding, because I hate to lose,” he said. “But I have to balance that against the pleasure I got from sacking my entire staff, and also myself.”

The Governor’s camp has already floated the prospect of a run next time. But most Republicans privately agree that the prospect of Romney returning in 2012 is about as likely as Christ doing so.

[Article]Romney pulls out to spend more time with wives blue    February 11th, 2008 - 9:12 AM    Loved the 300% increase and Giuliani bits.

Re: [Article]Romney pulls out to spend more time with wives pseudonym    February 11th, 2008 - 10:07 PM Nice work.    It's good to see some quality on the front page again!  Now we just need to drag the columnists back... (The polygamy is a bit of a cheap shot - the normal Mormons [if you'll forgive the oxymoron] don't practice polygamy anymore.  Only the fundamentalists.   But it was still pretty funny.)

Re: [Article]Romney pulls out to spend more time with wives hammerondaridiculous    February 13th, 2008 - 5:26 AM Why the hell would you let a man with three wives run the country? Think about it for a mo... He's either such a good husband that he can keep three women perpetually satisfied - so therefore he's just not going to have the time and energy required to run a country! (but you have to admire his stamina) or He'd be three times as nagged & henpecked! In which case he's just not going to have the time and energy required to run a country! (And who want's a pussy-whipped president?) Unless he was planning to make some clandestine use of the secret service & some presidential privelidge to thin out the ranks.   * *Note: that was a long sly wink with the nose being finger tapped! It allegedly implied Secret Service Snipers, grassy nolls, motorcades, dead wives, and somthing else to blame on Osama Bin-Laden! There's nothing so patriotic as getting your (least favorite) wife shot for your country!

Re: [Article]Romney pulls out to spend more time with wives Rob Banks    February 15th, 2008 - 12:46 AM In the words of Frankie Howard of Up Pompeii fame "how does he do it?" Three wives! It's hard enough have one wife and a mistress, ask Richard Pratt. I tried juggling three girl friends, eventually I had to drop one.