Local teenagers destroy valuable brain cells

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has shared his own expertise on the nationwide epidemic. "The risk of bringing about fundamental brain damage is very great indeed. Excessive consumption of alcohol can cause memory loss," he said. "For example, it can make you totally forget the details of politically sensitive events, like what goes on in New York strip clubs." 

Opposition Leader Brendan Nelson has slammed the government initiative, saying, "The simple truth is, these scare-tactics programs are ineffective in combating substance abuse. What we need is a complete ban on alcohol advertising, so teen bingeing can be eradicated – just like smoking was in the 1990s."

The latest figures have revealed one in ten high schoolers regularly drink to excess, leading to serious health problems, anti-social behaviour and an increased chance of getting lucky at parties. "That shot of the girl passing out and being taken advantage of after drinking too much vodka really spoke to me," said 15-year-old Nicole Fell. "That's why I'm sticking with the cask wine tonight." 

The advertisement's director, Stephen Bourne, admits he drew upon his own teenage experiences in crafting the commercial: "There was this one time my mates and I went skinny dipping down the beach and ended up vomiting sambuca into the ocean. I'm amazed we didn't drown. God, I miss those days."

While many regard passing out in a garden or flashing one's breasts in front of a kebab van to be a rite of passage, experts claim bingeing is dangerous in the long-term. "Generally, men and women should be having no more than two standard drinks a day," said National Health and Medical Research Council spokesperson Amelia Stone. "Unless, of course, they're mature and cool enough to be able to handle their liquor."

[Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night Lexii-    July 16th, 2008 - 11:33 PM Hahaha. This is hilarious. I wish they put a byline on it so we knew who specifically wrote it

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night shane    July 17th, 2008 - 12:15 AM I wrote the three new news articles that're up But there's a long-standing Chaser policy of no bylines on these things, cos the articles are often collaborative and editors add in jokes at subbing level and suchlike. Glad you liked it, anyway. I drew upon my own teenage mindset for it! -Shane

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night pseudonym    July 17th, 2008 - 3:52 AM Thank you Shane!  Nice work.  Where have you been anyway?

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night [x-marla.] ++    July 17th, 2008 - 7:19 AM Quote from: shane on July 17, 2008, 04:15:27 PM I wrote the three new news articles that're up Wow! I'm impressed! Good work!

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night shane    July 17th, 2008 - 8:30 AM I'll tell ya where I've been - waiting patiently for those public faces of The Chaser to cease gallivanting on stages around this broad, brown nation!! Oh and, naturally, writing for People mag...

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night Mez    July 17th, 2008 - 9:15 AM Who?  Cubis?  I hear he has a Wiki entry...

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night shane    July 17th, 2008 - 7:26 PM Way to salt an old wound, Mez...

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night pseudonym    July 17th, 2008 - 7:42 PM Quote from: Mez on July 18, 2008, 01:15:29 AM Who?  Cubis?  I hear he has a Wiki entry...   Awesome.

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night Alarm Duck of Awesomeness    July 18th, 2008 - 5:26 AM Quote from: Mez on July 18, 2008, 01:15:29 AM Who?  Cubis?  I hear he has a Wiki entry...

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night Lexii-    July 18th, 2008 - 5:32 AM I don't get it. I'm assuming it's some old in-joke..?

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night Erubadhriel    July 18th, 2008 - 5:36 AM that it is. onya Mez

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night shane    July 18th, 2008 - 10:25 PM Here ya go, Lexii... http://www.chaser.com.au/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=3170&Itemid=31

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night Lexii-    July 19th, 2008 - 1:59 AM Thanks Hahahahah, aww poor Shane A guy at my school made a wikipedia page about himself which was deleted and his IP address was banned from creating any new wikipedia changes and banned from editing wikipedia.

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night Mez    July 19th, 2008 - 2:39 AM Quote from: Lexii- on July 19, 2008, 05:59:28 PM A guy made a wikipedia page about himself which was deleted and his IP address was banned from creating any new wikipedia changes and banned from editing wikipedia.    This is what happened to poor Mr Cubis.  Fortunately for us all, he is a legend in his own mind.

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night Invisible Friend.    July 19th, 2008 - 2:47 AM I named my Rubik's Cube after Shane, if that's any help. Oh gosh I sound like I am almost as fangirly as Lexii. Oh and some of my friends were like "oh well if binge drinking is bad, we should drink more, more often so we get used to it." These were the same friends wanting me to "go Embo" with them last night...

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night [x-marla.] ++    July 23rd, 2008 - 7:50 AM Quote from: Invisible Friend. on July 19, 2008, 06:47:52 PM These were the same friends wanting me to "go Embo" with them last night... I thought you said "Elmo" at first... *looses self-respect* Possibly because I've been busy bitching about Kevin Clash's lack of material for the majority of the day. *looses more self-respect*

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night Mez    July 23rd, 2008 - 10:05 AM That's a lot of loose self-respect you've got floating around, Marla.  Why not lose some of it?

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night shane    July 24th, 2008 - 2:54 AM I'm surprised this article got some discussion whereas the other two didn't. You guys are weird creatures... Anyway, we've got more news articles going up live shortly. Look out for more sweet Cubisian action! (And hey, maybe some saccharine Dom and/or Richy action, too) -Shanewah

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night Erubadhriel    July 24th, 2008 - 3:13 AM w00t!! moar cubis plzkthnx

Re: [Article]Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night Mez    July 26th, 2008 - 11:41 AM What Eru said. Only more eloquently.