Starbucks Coffee has shut down most of its Australian stores and made their staff redundant, a move that was widely expected after a spate of closures in the US. The move came after the company’s sales figures confirmed market research predictions that Australian consumers were unwilling to pay $5 for a cup of hot milk.

Starbucks' most popular position in the Australian market

The chain has decided to close two-thirds of its eighty outlets in Australia. It will remain only in what it views as its strongest markets with the biggest potential, Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane. This claim was hotly disputed by Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane.

“We are really surprised that more Australians didn’t like our coffee,” the CEO of the local operation admitted. “It’s ultimately a question of taste, I guess. And the great thing I’ve discovered about Starbucks is that if you add enough whipped cream, caramel topping and chocolate sprinkles, you can’t taste the coffee anymore.”

The closures have been viewed as a huge win for Starbucks’ rivals Gloria Jeans and Hudsons. “Today, Australian consumers have spoken out against American-owned coffee houses with insipid beverages and bland, cookie-cutter décor,” a spokesperson for Gloria Jeans said. “Instead, we plan to offer them Australian-owned coffee houses with insipid beverages and bland, cookie-cutter décor.”

A number of cafés have indicated their willingness to take on experienced Starbucks staff as long as they are willing to learn how to make coffee.

[Article]Starbucks gives staff Double Mocha Sackuccino hammerondaridiculous    August 7th, 2008 - 10:04 AM   $5 for a cup of hot milk - I pay $3 (and the girls serving are cuter)  I really should just sprinkle some chocolate on a cows udder & go suck a teat before work... I can imagine the manager breaking the news to the staff - "You're all sacked, just fuckoffee" And to any staff who want to complain about unfair dismissal - "Go hire yourself a barista!"

Re: [Article]Starbucks gives staff Double Mocha Sackuccino Fashion Zombies!    August 7th, 2008 - 6:11 PM loved the headline, I laughed and the closing line was good

Re: [Article]Starbucks gives staff Double Mocha Sackuccino Biscuit    August 8th, 2008 - 2:52 AM It was only through my blind optimism that I bought 2 Starbucks coffeesliquids. The first was bad enough that I though I may have just scored a bad barista. The second was several times worse.

Re: [Article]Starbucks gives staff Double Mocha Sackuccino Bruce Campbell    August 8th, 2008 - 7:33 AM Yeah...at least when you buy coffee from Gloria Jeans you get the satisfaction of supporting an evil cult.

Re: [Article]Starbucks gives staff Double Mocha Sackuccino kim    August 10th, 2008 - 12:21 PM ah, it's funny because it's true. good fucking riddance i say, even their hot chocolates are poison.

[Article]Starbucks gives staff Double Mocha Sackuccino Nate    August 10th, 2008 - 12:42 PM I actually liked Starbucks.  Not for the coffee, but the one that used to be in Manuka, Canberra was great during winter.  It had a fireplace and couches next to it.  Finish work quick enough and I got to go snag myself a couch and sleep for two and a half hours before heading back.  Drank that shit only once and bitched to Pseudonym about it for about a day and a half.  Never again.

[Article]Starbucks gives staff Double Mocha Sackuccino MrYellow    August 13th, 2008 - 7:55 PM If only they researched first and discovered we like good coffee not just hot sweet stuff in a cup.