Al Gore plants a tree to offset speech at Oscars

After an Oscars acceptance speech filled with hot air, Al Gore was quick to plant a tree to ensure that he did not contribute to global warming. It is the 56,923nd tree Gore has been forced to plant since he started travelling the world to deliver his lengthy lecture on his personal story and the reasons he should have won in 2000, as well as giving a few quick pointers on climate change.

In his acceptance speech, Gore reminded his audience that solving global warming is all about taking one achievable step at a time. “For instance, my first steps for combatting the climate crisis have involved getting rock-star levels of popularity and swanning around the world,” he told the audience.

“But this broadcast has gone beyond that and touched the world. By watching us tonight, people the world over have learned that when they want to make an ostentatious environmental statement, all they need to do is hire a hybrid limousine.”

But despite Hollywood’s enthusiasm for Gore, others have criticised the creator of An Inconvenient Truth for his electricity-guzzling mansion, forcing the former Vice-President to angrily deny being a hypocrite. “My message isn’t about making radical life changes. It’s about wringing my hands, saying that something really ought to be done and encouraging rich people to talk about climate change at their dinner parties so we can feel morally superior,” he said. “I live my life entirely consistently with that vision.”

Gore’s film inspired a number of environmental elements in this year’s ceremony, including the recycling of a contestant from American Idol as Best Supporting Actress. Jennifer Hudson won further green plaudits by also reusing Gwyneth Paltrow’s embarrassing emotional meltdown. “People have criticised me for gushing about my family when I had my moment on the global stage,” she said. “I guess I was just thinking locally and acting globally.”

Despite the enormous public support he now commands on the back of his film, the Oscar-winner claims he does not intend to return to politics, a statement that has attracted even more scepticism than his warnings about climate change. Gore has instead committed himself to doing “whatever it takes” to combat global warming other than taking on the one job where he could actually do something about it.