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Cruise blames split on Nicole’s belief on cult of ‘Catholicism’

[Edition 33] LOS ANGELES, Tuesday: Tom Cruise has finally spilled the beans on his split with Australian actress Nicole Kidman. Cruise has spoken of his growing fear for his children as Nicole turned to a well- organised religious cult she called ‘Catholicism’.

Nicole confessed to a women’s magazine that she considered herself to be a Catholic

[Edition 33] LOS ANGELES, Tuesday: Tom Cruise has finally spilled the beans on his split with Australian actress Nicole Kidman. Cruise has spoken of his growing fear for his children as Nicole turned to a well-organised religious cult she called ‘Catholicism’.

“One night I heard her telling the children a crazy story about a some spirit guy called God creating the world in seven days,” said an obviously shaken Cruise. “I didn’t know where she had gotten the crazy story from. It’s such a shame given all the clear evidence we have that the world was actually created by bombs dropped from the spaceship of the alien, Xenu.”

Cruise claimed that his fears were confirmed when Nicole confessed to a women’s magazine that she considered herself to be a Catholic.
“When I started to research things, I became more and more concerned,” said Cruise, who discovered a ‘religion’ led by a mysterious man named ‘The Pope’. “It’s crazy. Women don’t have equal rights and the leader of the group thinks that he can talk to spirits and that he is infallible. They wanted the kids to go to special ‘Catholic’ schools and they even believe that birth control is evil – not that that is relevant to our relationship.”

Cruise claimed that the stories told by Nicole made it clear to him that he was dealing with some kind of a cult. “They’ve got all these crazy stories about snakes convincing women to eat apples and men walking on water,” said Cruise. “They are quite clever because the cult members never see this God guy who leads them but instead they are told they need ‘faith’. I realised how lucky I was being able to pick up any number of science fiction books and see a photo of my leader L. Ron Hubbard.”

Cruise, who will battle for joint custody over the couple’s two adopted children, claims that saving his children is now his main concern. “One day I agreed to go with her to her ‘church’, and the man in charge tried to drown my children in water to make them closer to their God,” said Cruise. “They even wanted us to give them money for their weekly indoctrination sessions. I was so shocked that I had to have an extra session on the electro-psychometer that night.”