[Edition 47] MELBOURNE, Sunday: An elderly man in an anorak was yesterday disappointed to discover that the Australian film “Lantana” does not revolve around an arousing illicit dance.

[Edition 47] MELBOURNE, Sunday: An elderly man in an anorak was yesterday disappointed to discover that the Australian film “Lantana” does not revolve around an arousing illicit dance.

The gentleman attended an 11 o’clock session of the hit movie at an arthouse theatre in Melbourne, where he was assured by an usher not to expect any close writhing bodies locked in a sinful samba.

Undeterred he watched the movie, only to be confronted with a slow adult drama about marriage and loss. He said afterwards the film had barely raised his heart rate, and accused distributors of misleading him about the possibility of scenes depicting forbidden lust on the dancefloor.

Other filmgoers have also criticised “Lantana” for claiming to be an Australian film, but blatantly failing to include any bad acting, garish art design or a soundtrack full of Abba.

They’ve asked for its recent AFI awards to be nullified on the grounds that films of actual quality don’t deserve any recognition in this country.