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Pitt-Aniston breakup shock: ‘NW’ story accurate

[Edition 89] “This split has staggered me,” one Hollywood insider said. “Not about Jennifer and Brad – they were obviously on the rocks – but I thought NW and maliciously wild gossip would be together forever. It seems you can’t rely on anyone these days.”

Aniston and Pitt in a happier time for NW, when it printed she was clearly pregnant

[Edition 89] Hollywood glamour couple Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt have shocked the entertainment world by ending their five-year marriage, allowing NW to claim its first-ever accurate front cover. The lavish $4.30-a-copy magazine predicted the couple’s demise with its January 10 lead, “Brad’s Boozy Bachelor Beach Bender”.

“This split has staggered me,” one Hollywood insider said. “Not about Jennifer and Brad – they were obviously on the rocks – but I thought NW and maliciously wild gossip would be together forever. It seems you can’t rely on anyone these days.”

Observers, sources, witnesses, restaurant patrons and members of the couple’s staff have all denied responsibility for spreading truths to NW. As one close friend of the couple told NW exclusively: “I was way too busy having concocted rumours attributed to me by lazy entertainment writers to say anything accurate. Besides, everyone knows I don’t even exist.”

NW has apologized for its lapse, blaming it on basic probability. “Unfortunately, even with headlines as fanciful as ours, we’re going to get one right eventually,” said one associate of a NW staffer to a friend. “Who knows, one day one of our diets may even work. But we won’t be making a habit of it.”

Such apologies aren’t washing with NW’s readership. One spokesperson for the close pal of a former business partner of a NW reader reportedly revealed exclusively to NW that the damage has been done. “How do I know what other NW stories might be true? Maybe Jude Law is a love rat, Britney is an anorexic and Melanie Griffith really does look like that after her latest plastic surgery,” she said. “I’d really prefer not to be considering possibilities like that.”

The magazine isn’t taking any chances with its January 31 edition. “NW is going to run a story saying that Jennifer Aniston’s next movie will be a huge hit,” said one onlooker of a pal of a spokesperson for a reputed NW insider. “There’s no chance of any accidental truth-telling there.”