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33rd coup lucky, says new Haitian leader

[Edition 83] Temporary Haitian leader Yvon Neptune has dismissed speculation that the ousting of President Aristide will further plunge the troubled nation into unrest. “Maybe I’m a little biased, but I’ve just got a good feeling about this coup” said the new leader. “There’s a real buzz in the air, and only part of it is looting-related excitement.” “Maybe I’m a little biased, but I’ve just got a good feeling about this coup” said the new leader. “There’s a real buzz in the air, and only part of it is looting-related excitement.”

[Edition 83] Temporary Haitian leader Yvon Neptune has dismissed speculation that the ousting of President Aristide will further plunge the troubled nation into unrest. “Maybe I’m a little biased, but I’ve just got a good feeling about this coup” said the new leader. “There’s a real buzz in the air, and only part of it is looting-related excitement.”

The Haitian strongman says it’s been a long time since anyone in Haiti has gotten this excited by a bloody change of leadership. “1991, 1995, we were just going through the motions to be honest. US Government this, infrastructure breakdown that, massacre etcetera etcetera. But this time it’s a case of once more, with feeling.”

Neptune has dismissed reports that the situation in Haiti is becoming increasingly volatile. “It might look like that to outsiders, but to us it seems quite relaxed. A hundred people dead here isn’t an uprising – it’s a party.”

When asked what the future holds for Haiti, the Prime Minister is openly optimistic. “At the moment, I’m working on the principle that solving all of Haiti’s problems is going to be impossible. But if I let them fester enough, they might just cancel each other out. And making problems fester is what we Haitians do best.”