[Edition 80] “There’s no way something like that could happen,” scoffed leading UFOlogist Warren Murst. “The British are just so desperate to prove the inferiority of their space program, they faked this failure before NASA even had a chance to stuff up their Mars mission.”

Beagle 2 designer Professor Colin Pillinger with his former pride and joy and current source of global humiliation

[Edition 80] Skeptics cast doubt today on the apparent botching of Britain’s Beagle 2 Mars mission, slamming the absence of any contact from the fragile spacecraft with known design flaws as “an elaborate hoax.”
“There’s no way something like that could happen,” scoffed leading UFOlogist Warren Murst. “The British are just so desperate to prove the inferiority of their space program, they faked this failure before NASA even had a chance to stuff up their Mars mission.”

Murst’s claims have been met with approval by leading conspiracy theorists, delusional analysts and paranoid schizophrenics around the world. “So you’re telling me that a tiny stainless steel craft – with airbags – hurtling at 60km an hour towards a sharp, rocky surface would just be destroyed on impact, without any reason?” asked Murst advocate Hubert Wills. “Yeah right.”

Supporters claim the total lack of any footage from Britain’s Mars probe actually was actually manufactured at the notorious Area 51 in the Nevada desert. Conspiracy theorists say the strict secrecy shrouding operations at Area 51 mean it’s virtually impossible to disprove any assertion about what might be happening there.

Even Beagle 2’s Lead Scientist Professor Colin Pillinger has given credence to Murst’s controversial theory. “On the data currently available”, said Prof Pillinger, “the only logical conclusion is that we’ve made complete arses of ourselves in front of the whole world and fucked up rather spectacularly. So of course I’m backing an illogical conclusion.”