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G8 agrees to cancel third world debt if Geldof cancels concert

The world’s economic powerhouses have agreed to relinquish the third world’s multi-trillion dollar debt, describing it as a “small price to pay” to ensure that the Live 8 concert series never happens.

Geldof has successfully alleviated his own poverty

The world’s economic powerhouses have agreed to relinquish the third world’s multi-trillion dollar debt, describing it as a “small price to pay” to ensure that the Live 8 concert series never happens.

“Bob Geldof has shown us the error of our ways. We now realise that allowing two thirds of the world population to be debt-ridden has dire consequences we simply cannot afford,” said British Prime Minister Tony Blair, “Like the reformation of the Spice Girls.”

The World Bank has also responded to the popular mood, and will advance a loan of $100 to everyone in the third world, on the condition that no more versions of “Do They Know It’s Christmas” are released.

The concert series seeks to fight poverty throughout the world by raising awareness of new albums by U2, Jamiroquai and Coldplay, amongst others. “Our hope is that if enough people buy our new album, the powers-that-be will realise how strongly the people feel about the issue of third world poverty,” said Duran Duran lead singer Simon Le Bon. “They certainly wouldn’t be buying our albums for any other reason.”

The main concert is scheduled to be held at London’s Hyde Park as part of the Long Walk to Justice, a campaign which will begin en masse when Mariah Carey starts performing.

However, simultaneous ‘Live 8’ concerts – named after the number of times Bob Geldof has exploited the poor to re-launch his career – will occur across Europe and in America. “This has been an eye-opening experience for me,” said one Italian spectator. “I never fully understood the concept of ‘poor’ until I saw A-ha rehearse their entire back catalogue. We must save the children from this injustice at once.”

The G8 Summit is set to run from July 6 for three days, or for however long it takes for Bono to shut up outside it.