Just days after being released from prison, model Michelle Leslie has vowed to return to work, committing to a hectic schedule of shameless publicity stunts, and pursuing lucrative opportunities to become a model of superficiality and blatant hypocrisy. Although competition in Australian fashion is intense, in the fields of superficiality and hypocrisy especially, it is expected Leslie will receive masses of uncritical acclaim when she returns.

As she left Kerobokan Prison, Leslie told reporters she was ecstatic, a diagnosis later confirmed by drug tests. Her legal team disputed this description, however, saying their client merely had a case of “freedom-induced attention deficit disorder”. It is understood Leslie’s treatment for ADD will include “exclusive” interviews with A Current Affair, Women’s Day and The Socialite Worker.

While in prison, Leslie befriended fellow drug convict Schappelle Corby after the two realised they had many things in common, such as a general lack of interest in anything other than themselves and pathetically weak legal defences.

“Probably the worst part of the ordeal, though, was being handcuffed to Renae Lawrence on the way to court one day,” Leslie revealed. “Did you see what she was wearing? Honestly, I wouldn’t be seen dead in clothes like that. Although obviously she will be.”

Leslie attracted criticism after wearing full burqa to an early court appearance, a move slammed by Muslims as “superficial stunt” and by fashion commentators as “so last season.” She has outraged conservative Muslims since her release by dressing immodestly and contemplating an independent career.

The Leslie family spokesman has confirmed that Michelle will wear the burqa again in public, partially on account of her faith, but mainly to ensure the exclusivity of her lucrative media deals is preserved.

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