A Salt Lake City man has had all 13 of his applications for the next series of reality series Wife Swap accepted, enabling each of his wives to participate in the show. “I can’t wait for the series to start,” said bigamist Sean Huggins, “Wife Swap is going to be a great challenge, even if it’s the same challenge I face every day.”

The ‘Aussies’ recorded a hard-fought victory over the ‘Lebs’ in the year’s first State Of Origin clash, held last Sunday in Cronulla. A passionate home crowd of 5,000 turned up to watch the contest at the beach, the local backstreets, and wherever participants could find people who looked vaguely Middle Eastern.

Network Ten’s smash hit reality show Australian Drug Mule is down to its final nine contestants after the dramatic exit of sentimental favourite Van Nguyen on last Friday’s elimination show. The controversial elimination dominated the entertainment press during the week, with strong campaigns mounted by supporters to keep the 25 year old on the show. But even a candlelight vigil was not enough to save Nguyen, who became the third contestant to be eliminated after early favourite Schapelle Corby and ‘intruder’ Michelle Leslie.

Former world number four womens’ tennis player Jelena Dokic has failed at the first hurdle in her bid to once again be considered an Australian citizen. Dokic, who breezed through Australian citizenship tests when she was young, has lost form of late and was easily shown up by an unknown Bulgarian at the application stage.

Prime Minister John Howard has placed the blame for the Saddam bodyguard scandal squarely on Peter Costello, in a wide-ranging interview in which he reminded listeners the Treasurer was also responsible for high petrol prices, forced work on public holidays and canceling welfare for the disabled.

Disgraced businessman Steve Vizard will be the government’s nominee to replace disgraced businessman Robert Gerard on the Reserve Bank board. Mr Gerard resigned from the RBA after it was revealed that he paid tens of millions of dollars to the Tax Office to settle a dispute. The Treasurer Peter Costello said that based on the evidence in Mr Vizard’s trial for breaching director’s duties he was confident that Mr Vizard has not paid anything to the Tax Office either.

Shadow Foreign Minister Kevin Rudd has failed to observe a minute’s silence to mark the execution of Australian Toung Van Nguyen after breaking his commemorative gesture to give a press conference to explain how sensitive he was being. At the time of the hanging Mr Rudd managed not to speak to any media for a personal best time of 26 seconds, spending the quiet moments typing an sms to every journalist in Australia.

The Singaporean government has resigned itself to receiving futile condemnation from trendy, Australian left-wingers for at least one news cycle, following its execution of Australian drug trafficker Nguyen Tuong Van. The Singaporean Foreign Minister has warned citizens they will be the subject of lengthy dinner party critiques, motions of censure from university student councils and as many as a hundred Letters to the Editor from across Australia.

19-year-old topless waitress Britney Harrison has found work on the floor at lingerie restaurant The Birdhouse – but only until she gets her big break. “I know it sounds clichéd,” says Harrison “a topless waitress who wants to be an porn actress, but the hours really suit my lifestyle and drug habit. I can always take time off to do an audition, and you’d be surprised how often the customers here offer me roles. I might ever get discovered – the BangBus could be right around the corner,” she laughs.

The Government has welcomed the imminent passage of its WorkChoices legislation by reminding the public that despite the ACTU hysteria, the new industrial relations legislation is all about increasing choice for workers. “For example, employees will still be allowed to choose to strike under the new regime,” Workplace Relations Minister Kevin Andrew said. “Just as they’ll be allowed to choose what job to apply for after they’re sacked for striking.”