Seeking to follow in the footsteps of well-received movies like Spider-Man 3, Shrek The Third and Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World's End, director Stephen Herek has announced plans to make Bill & Ted's Radical Pilgrimage later this year. "I think the time is right for us to all learn what happened to the dudes 16 years on," he said. "Are they still married to the babes? Are the Wyld Stallyns still together?"

In the wake of fresh crackdowns on unlawful file-sharing, Peter Andre has announced that he personally has no problem with people making digital copies of his work and trading them online. "If the people want to hear my work, who am I to stand in their way?" he said. "I sang 'Gimme Little Sign' for the fans, not for the money."

According to millions of overweight, socially awkward players worldwide, life on Earth cannot hope to compete with a virtual existence comprised of heroic adventure, powerful magic and sexy maidens in need of rescue from dragons. For many, attaining level 70 in World Of Warcraft is a far more worthy achievement than anything they could hope to accomplish outside the game.

The beleaguered Immigration Minister, Kevin Andrews, is now claiming that Dr Mohamed Haneef visited a New York strip club in 2003. Andrews says the Australian Federal Police believe that Haneef visited Scores with a shady character known for his dubious morals, but the doctor has strenuously denied knowing Col Allan.

An unprecedented era of book-enjoyment has come to a halt this month, as children around the world finish the final chapter of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows. "I didn't know whether Harry or Voldemort was going to die in Book Seven," one fan said. "But I've always known that when the series ended, I'd be saying ‘avada kedavra' to my interest in books."

Danish tourist Nikolaj Neilsen, who has been lost in the Snowy Mountains for seven days, is already imagining a successful and profitable publishing career once he is rescued. The 23-year-old fell 35 metres when a rope snapped, causing him serious injury. "I've been keeping a video diary," he said, sheltering under an icy overhang. "I plan to use it as a reference when I recount my harrowing experience in a gripping tale of tenacity and survival for a major publisher."

Iraq’s football team has won its first ever major trophy after defeating Saudi Arabia in the finals of this year’s Asian Football Cup, and ecstatic Baghdad residents diverted their regular gunfire into the air in celebration.

John Howard has released his first video on YouTube, providing much-needed diversion for the bored office workers whose votes he needs to win this year's election. The Prime Minister is delighted that he has managed to produce something that has received a better response from low-income workers than WorkChoices.

Critics have slammed an SMS sent by account executive Morgan Teuber to a group of his friends, claiming the tone of his brief communication is unclear. The text message, which stated a desire "2 C TRANSFORMERS ITLL B COOL", has divided recipients, who are unable to reach consensus on whether Teuber was serious, joking or something else entirely.

Always one step ahead of his political counterparts, Greens senator Bob Brown has joined social networking site Bebo, setting up an account under the name ‘Greenblooded'. "While other politicians go for the glitz and glamour of MySpace or the slick, corporate look of Facebook," he said in the ‘Me, My Life And I' section of his profile, "I chose an environmentally conscious alternative."