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Beaconsfield miners face media contingent, ask to be buried again

Miners Brant Webb and Todd Russell have asked to be returned to their cage a kilometre underground after facing the media scrum waiting for them in Beaconsfield. The pair say that being trapped without solid food for another 320 hours is less painful a prospect than an interview with Naomi Robson.

“And meeting the Today Show team has really put things into perspective,” Webb said. “It wasn’t much fun down there, but at least no-one was giggling inanely.”

Everyone in the media is urging the pair to sign lucrative deals. “This story could be worth millions,” celebrity agent Max Markson said. “To me, and also a few grand for the miners themselves.”

But experts have warned the media to give the survivors some space, pointing out that they’d been through a severe emotional trauma. “Going through something like that can really muck around with your head,” one psychiatrist said. “For a while there it appears Todd Russell thought Kochie was actually his mate.”

Nine CEO Eddie McGuire immediately flew to Beaconsfield to shout the bar they were drinking in a round. “Let me reassure you that I’m only here to organise a charity concert,” he said. “But if Brant and Todd should want to sign a multi-million dollar contract with PBL, then let’s just say it’s a happy coincidence I’m here.”

McGuire says the charity concert will raise money for the miners’ fund, and also another non-profit organisation, Channel Nine.

The concert will feature in a special edition of The Footy Show this week. Audiences are eagerly anticipating a prank where Sam Newman is buried under a massive pile of rubble. But initial plans for Shannon Noll to perform on the show have been shelved after it was agreed the miners have suffered enough.