Dutton: “What did white South Africans ever do wrong?”
"For a genocide to be horrific enough to qualify for special attention, you really need to feel some sort of sympathy for them. I can't quite put my finger on why the white South Africans look more deserving of special attention, but as soon as I figure it out, I'll get back to you."
Mardi Gras ends at 7pm as married couples decide to call it a night
"Well it's been lovely, but we've got an early start tomorrow."
McCormack Passes Final Nationals Leadership Test by Failing to Disclose Entitlements
"McCormack looks forward to reaching the everyday Australian, by wearing cowboy hats and sinking schooners in pubs"
Salim Mehajer faces court over what happened last time he faced court over what happened the time before that
A man appeared in court today, charged with a minor infraction that is never reported on, but is, in this case, being reported because it involved Salim Mehajer, and we're hoping for the extra click-throughs
Nationals enter bold new era under leadership of some guy
The new leader won over his colleagues by not having impregnated a staffer, not having New Zealand citizenship, not having accepted a rental property from a prominent donor and not being accused of sexual harassment
Joyce resigns to spend more time with his various families
"I'm relieved that I'll finally be able to spend more quality time with my love children."
Opinion: Sex is unnatural and should have been banned years ago
Firth, host of The Firth Factor, weighs in on the big issue of the week: was Malcolm Turnbull right to make sex between MPs and staffers extra naughty
Joyce spends romantic Valentines Day denying significance of relationship
"Until recently she was just another root to me," said a clearly lovestruck Barnaby this evening
What They Said – The Barnaby Joyce Affair
Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce believes that having an affair with a staffer and then getting them a taxpayer-funded job down the corridor is a private matter. Even so, everyone wants to weigh in on the Barnaby Joyce Affair. Here's what they said
“Gays are destroying marriage” Joyce tells pregnant mistress
"Those promiscuous sinners are going to ruin my broken marriage."