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Govt claims census triumph: ‘we are a proud nation of 4 million people’

The Australian Bureau of Statistics is reeling this morning after its website crashed last night due to an orchestrated attack on its servers.

A spokesperson for the Australian Bureau of Statistics said that the attack seemed to have been orchestrated by a whole nation of people. “We are currently looking for a nation of roughly 24 million people who could have carried out such an attack.”

The spokesperson said it was clearly a foreign nation. “Australia couldn’t possibly have carried out this attack. According to our latest figures, there are only 4 million people living in Australia.”

Tech experts said that they had never seen such a sophisticated and well organised attempt to flood the servers, using millions of different points of attack.

The experts say the attack was highly organised. “In order to get millions of computers to participate at the same time, the perpetrators harnessed social media to encourage people to flood the servers, and overload the website. This was sophisticated stuff.”

“They announced their attack day months ago, and then worked methodically to make sure everyone remembered the attack date.”

“The perpetrators must have known that no computer server can withstand the load of an entire nation trying to access the same website at the same time on the same day.”

The Chaser’s Australia – out now!