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Anti-bingeing advertisement revs teens up for big night

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Local teenagers destroy valuable brain cells
The federal government's $53 million anti-bingeing campaign has had an inspirational effect on teenagers, psyching them up to get together and drink large quantities of alcohol. Year 10 student Wayne Greer has spoken on behalf of his peers: "Flickering lights, wasted chicks everywhere and a punch-up on the street - if tonight is half as messy as that ad, I'll be stoked."

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has shared his own expertise on the nationwide epidemic. "The risk of bringing about fundamental brain damage is very great indeed. Excessive consumption of alcohol can cause memory loss," he said. "For example, it can make you totally forget the details of politically sensitive events, like what goes on in New York strip clubs." 

Opposition Leader Brendan Nelson has slammed the government initiative, saying, "The simple truth is, these scare-tactics programs are ineffective in combating substance abuse. What we need is a complete ban on alcohol advertising, so teen bingeing can be eradicated – just like smoking was in the 1990s."

The latest figures have revealed one in ten high schoolers regularly drink to excess, leading to serious health problems, anti-social behaviour and an increased chance of getting lucky at parties. "That shot of the girl passing out and being taken advantage of after drinking too much vodka really spoke to me," said 15-year-old Nicole Fell. "That's why I'm sticking with the cask wine tonight." 

The advertisement's director, Stephen Bourne, admits he drew upon his own teenage experiences in crafting the commercial: "There was this one time my mates and I went skinny dipping down the beach and ended up vomiting sambuca into the ocean. I'm amazed we didn't drown. God, I miss those days."

While many regard passing out in a garden or flashing one's breasts in front of a kebab van to be a rite of passage, experts claim bingeing is dangerous in the long-term. "Generally, men and women should be having no more than two standard drinks a day," said National Health and Medical Research Council spokesperson Amelia Stone. "Unless, of course, they're mature and cool enough to be able to handle their liquor."

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