Thursday, 28 August 2008 07:41
In recent years, Slade's stalking schedule has scaled back in line with Arthur's decreased workload. "I used to have to sneak into NBC dressing rooms to smell Bea's clothes," he said. "Now all I have to do is hang out at the local rheumatology department on Wednesday afternoons."
Writing on his blog, Honey To The Bea, Slade cited depression over Estelle Getty's passing and an upcoming hip replacement operation as reasons for his retirement. "The first time I saw her playing liberal feminist Maude Findlay on All In The Family, my heart skipped a beat," Slade said. "If that happened now, I'd be in serious danger of a coronary."
But age and ill-health weren't the only factors in his
decision. "I sat down to write Bea yet another declaration of love and promise to
murder Barack Obama, and realised my letter was just a rehash of 1984's vow to
wear Mikhail Gorbachev's face like a mask while I had rough sex with her."
"After 36 wonderful years, our relationship was starting to get stale."
Fellow psychotic Arthur-admirer Crispin Dobbs was devastated
by Slade's decision: "Walter wasn't just the best of us, he was there from the
beginning. I never thought he was the kind of man to renege on a celebrity murder-suicide
pact," he said. "I guess it's like they always say - a man who's tired of stalking Bea
Arthur is tired of life."
Informed of Slade's announcement, Bea Arthur said, "There's a sense of relief that I won't have my throat slit, obviously. But part of me will miss Walter's attention. I just know that bitch Rue McClanahan is going to be bragging about all her twentysomething stalkers."
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