Putin wins landslide victory with 120% of the vote
Putin is attributing the victory to his policies, his popularity, and the surprise death of all his opponents
Dutton: “What did white South Africans ever do wrong?”
"For a genocide to be horrific enough to qualify for special attention, you really need to feel some sort of sympathy for them. I can't quite put my finger on why the white South Africans look more deserving of special attention, but as soon as I figure it out, I'll get back to you."
Man unwinds from long day staring at screen with a few hours of slightly different screen
"Sometimes I like to mix it up by looking at an even smaller screen while watching something on the bigger screen."
Anti-corporate hippy completes image with $70,000 Kombi campervan
"It'll go perfectly with my new $500 ripped jeans."
Mardi Gras ends at 7pm as married couples decide to call it a night
"Well it's been lovely, but we've got an early start tomorrow."
Barnaby Joyce to join Fred Nile at Mardi Gras praying for sanctity of marriage
"Marriage is a sacred institution between a woman, a man, and his hot staffers."
Grandma wishes grandson a “Very happy sent from my iPhone”
"Hi.... timmy! Lots Of.. Love,, Gransent from my iPhone"
Landlord hopes young tenants won’t decrease value of massively overinflated shitbox
"If the value drops below 10x inflation, I'm gonna be royally pissed."
Local Idiot Puts Phone and Wallet in Same Pocket
"It's okay, I didn't need to sit down today anyway."
McCormack Passes Final Nationals Leadership Test by Failing to Disclose Entitlements
"McCormack looks forward to reaching the everyday Australian, by wearing cowboy hats and sinking schooners in pubs"