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Mass shock as famous tennis player turns out to be an unlikable tool

SPORT |

Elite tennis player Novak Djokovic has caused shockwaves throughout the country this week, after demonstrating that an elite tennis player is capable of being a bit of a dick.

This discovery flies in the face of the reputation that famous tennis players have for always being well-adjusted, humble, non-egomaniacs, on and off the court.

“This bloke is ruining our image!” says ex-tennis star and Jesus’ least favourite fan, Margaret Court. “I’ve worked hard to ensure tennis players are universally loved and adored by the public and Novak has destroyed everything!?”

Despite the outcry from his home country of Serbia, staunch pro-choice activist Novak Djokovic has defended Australia’s Border Force saying they have the right to choose to boot him out of the country.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has told those who believe the Djokovic saga has been well-handled that they should be incredibly grateful for his good work.

Meanwhile, Morrison also had a message for those who believe the whole thing has been a complete shitshow: “I had absolutely nothing to do with it, it’s all Dan Andrews’ fault.”

Nurse coming off a double shift devastated to hear Novak doesn’t like his free hotel

NATIONAL |

The world has been hit with devastating new this week, as multi-millionaire tennis player Novak Djokovic was forced to live at a refugee hotel after he chose to come to Australia unvaccinated.

In response to this unbearable 3 whole days in a hotel that Novak faced, nurses around the country have used their rare time they aren’t at work to protesting for Novak’s release.

“Wow I know we all make sacrifices,” said one nurse who hasn’t had a full night’s sleep in 2 years, “but that man has really got it tough. I mean he has already been partially blamed for one covid outbreak, and now he cant get a break for not having a visa or a vaccine? I’m truly devastated.”

“I feel for the guy,” said one refugee who has grown up in the same hotel, “we totally get it. Many of us refugees also aren’t vaccinated, not because we don’t want to be, but because we were excluded from the vaccine rollout figures. So we also couldn’t play in the Australian Open, if they one day let us out.”

War Stories: Chas Licciardello’s most painful pranks

PODCASTS |

Chas shares his Top 5 most painful moments in his career caused by doing stunts, including ones that were so dangerous they never made it to air.

War Stories: Chris Taylor Wants Cracked Pepper

PODCASTS |

Chris Taylor enters the studio to share inside stories on how some classic stunts like “Cracked Pepper” came to be, and tells the story of his least favourite stunt recording.

The Chaser’s War Stories: Craig Reucassel vs the Pope

PODCASTS |

Craig Reucassel stops by to join our Summer Stunt Series and talk about some of his favourite Chaser moments, who unlike Charles and Dom actually wants to forget all his old stunts. Together they help Craig forget stunts like when he flew a blimp in Vatican City, when he crashed a Liberal election party, and when Craig first got arrested, by talking about them in keen detail.

The Chaser’s War Stories: Remembering APEC

PODCASTS |

This summer The Chaser is celebrating its 21st birthday by looking back on the best stunts of the last two decades. Kicking off the series we’re joined by Chas Licciardello to look back on the stunt that went horribly right – the time The Chaser team infiltrated APEC.

The Chaser’s War Stories: Andrew Hansen

PODCASTS |

Andrew Hansen joins Charles and Dom to talk about some of his favourite musical Chaser moments, from the times he forced Craig to sing, to the secret project he’s been working on for the last four years.

Chaser Report Best of Interviews – Craig Reucassel & Ketan Joshi

PODCASTS |

BEST OF: Craig Reucassel & Ketan Joshi – Craig directed a movie! He’s here to tell us about The Big Deal, a doco that looks at how money influences our political system. The results of all this influence-buying can be seen in today’s other conversation, where climate specialist Ketan Joshi talks us through the landmark IPCC Report on climate change – what’s in those 3,900 pages, anyway? And can we do anything stop a climate catastrophe?

Chaser Report Best of Interviews: Saul Griffith

PODCASTS |

BEST OF: Saul Griffith – Energy guru Saul Griffith reckons Australia can lead the way in solving the climate crisis, with our abundant sunlight and love of new technology. Griffith has been advising the Biden Administration on renewables and is well known around the world for his passion for energy solutions that don’t just work, but work better than what we have now. He reckons we already have all the technology we need to make it happen – if only we had the political will. His new book is Electrify: An Optimist’s Playbook For A Clean Energy Future.

Parliamentary cleaners skip Scomo’s office as it hasn’t been touched in 3 years

NATIONAL |

Cleaners at Parliament House have today revealed they have been paid for a job that hasn’t been done in more than 3 years, taking after the Prime Minister’s current working model. Leaked reports suggest Morrison, largely absent from public life taking on the role of Prime Minister, returned to his office on Wednesday hoping to find tickets to a holiday he’d booked years ago to see if they were refundable, only to discover them laying under a layer of cocaine dust that had floated in from the prayer room next door.

“They’ve barely touched it!” raged Scomo. “Look, the post-it-notes with reminders to show empathy are here, my 2019 Hawaii themed calendar is still set on December, and there’s dust all over my ‘Budget Back In Black’ mug! Plus this hose here has clearly never been held.”

“I’m so furious I’m taking the rest of the week off to decompress.”