NRL star Jarryd Hayne has come under fire after pornographic images, allegedly from his mobile phone, were shown during a high-school digital security presentation. Students have since expressed their disgust at the images, labelling them “shithouse” and criticising their poor resolution.
“I couldn’t believe it,” said Wes Mudgeon, 16. “He’s one of my sporting heroes, and his mobile porn collection was there for all of us to see. It was just so tame and pixelated. I used to look up to him but now I don’t know.”
“It was pretty much just a mix of softcore shit and those gross close-ups from underneath. I’ve got crusty socks in my bottom drawer that have seen more erotic stuff than that. What is this, 2010?”
Hayne was quick to distance himself from the images, claiming they weren’t his and assuring his fans that he’s only into “top quality shit”.
The NRL has been quick to express their concern over the images, claiming that they don’t follow the organisation’s code of ethics. “While we applaud the poor quality of the images – if they ARE Jarryd’s – any pornographic materials on our players’ phones should involve at least 4-5 team-mates or a dog,” said CEO Todd Greenberg.
“We apologise to the parents and women’s groups who are sure to be outraged by Mr Hayne’s actions. All we can say in our defence is… it’s the NRL off-season. What did you expect? At least he wasn’t pirating movies.”