Iran gets nukes: US invades Iraq again

The United States has warned Iran that unless it suspends its uranium enrichment program, there would be severe consequences – for Iraq. “We do not need to remind the Iranian leadership that we will attack Iraq on the flimsiest of premises. We warn them not to give us such a premise.” 

Senior Pentagon officials pointed out that the Iranian nuclear program also justified the first invasion of Iraq retroactively. “It has taken several long years of searching, but we have finally found the weapons of mass destruction,” said General James MacIntyre. “If they were hard to find, it was only because they were in Iran, and have not been built yet. It is seems our first invasion of Iraq only delayed their production, and that further military action is required.”  

MacIntyre also pointed out that while the nuclear technology had been given to Iran by Pakistan, an important ally in the fight against terrorism, it could just as easily have been proliferated across the border by Saddam Hussein. “A hypothetical situation where Saddam was giving nuclear technology to repressive states could have been very dangerous. Luckily, North Korea and Iran were armed by our allies instead.” 

There is some disquiet in the State Department that there is no plan for a post-second-invasion Iraq, but the Pentagon insists it will continue its comprehensive program of administrative bungling, shooting passers-by at check-points, and failing to restore basic services.   

Donald Rumsfeld has dismissed suggestions that a second attack on Iraq could alienate the Iraqi people. “The Iraqi people want freedom, and that means freedom from a nuclear-capable Iran,” said the embattled Defense Secretary. “They are willing to lay down their lives for that freedom, and we are willing to help them.”