Akahi Ricardo and Camila Castello, a mum-and-dad couple from California may be onto a scientific breakthrough, after taking up a ‘Breatharian’ diet which has seen them go without food, water, or air for nine years. Buried in the family’s plot at the Sacramento City Cemetery, friends of the couple say it’s absolutely amazing that they’ve held out so long without even the most basic necessities of life.
“Honestly, I don’t know how they’ve done it,” says their family physician, Dr Ray Spencer. “By all modern medical standards the idea of going without food, water, and air for such a long period of time seems both illogical and frankly downright stupid, but here these two are, nine years on and I haven’t heard a single complaint from either of them about their lack of oxygen.”
Pressed as to how he might explain the couple’s ability to go without food or air the doctor says he has no concrete answers at this time, but he is working on a theory that he hopes one day may lead to a medical breakthrough. “Basically it seems to come down to two things. Firstly, the fact that the couple are no longer alive, that really cuts down on the energy required by the average human to get through a day, and this is very much helped by the limited mobility available when buried under three feet of compacted soil.”
“Secondly, and I think this is the most important part, is that the couple both have a very rare medical condition which saw them born with only a single brain cell between them. This unusual trait certainly contributed to their Bretharian lifestyle, and I strongly believe on further investigation we’ll probably discover that this is a trait shared by almost every Bretharian living or dead.”
The couple are seen by many scientists as trailblazers for the now increasingly popular “anti-expert” movement that has seen people across the world reject the advice of scientists, in favour of ideas they’ve seen on internet blogs written in comic sans. As a result scientists have taken up a strong stance against the potentially deadly new diet, pleading “Oh no, how tragic. No, please, stop. Definately don’t take up that diet that will rid the world of people who don’t want to immunise their kids against polio, and who voted a climate change denying reality TV host into the White House. What a tragedy that would be if they stopped eating food and died. No, definately don’t do that. We certainly don’t hope you’ll do the opposite of what we say. What a loss that would be for the gene pool.”
The couple were unable to be reached for comment in relation to this piece on account of being dead
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