Counselor to the President and former Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway has today used her daily press briefings to strenuously deny every having worked for President Donald Trump, a change of tactic described by experts as “actually pretty sensible at this point.”
Talking to MSNBC this morning, the White House spokeswoman said that she had never met, let alone worked for Donald Trump, and that any such allegations by the press were just an attempt to smear her due to her loud and pronounced support of presidential candidate Hillary Clinton over the last six months. “Frankly I’ve never even met this Donald Trump fellow, I’ve no idea where you got the idea that I was working for him!” said Mrs Conway. “I think if you check the record you’ll discover I’ve spent the last six months organising a grassroots campaign to impeach that horrible sexist pig of a man. And as for these allegations that I’ve been going on the news defending his policies and painting the media as the bad guys, well that’s just ludicrous. I’m not a monster for Christ’s sake!”
Mrs Conway’s announcement comes as the Trump Presidency enters what is being described as its 15th “worst week yet”, a period which has seen the President leak classified intelligence to Russian diplomats, deny the story, and then confirm the story on Twitter, in an apparent attempt to diffuse the situation by admitting to the very thing he was being accused of.
Sources within the Whitehouse say the latest mis-step by the President has begun to raise some concerns with staff, with one employee allegedly describing the situation within the Whitehouse as becoming “a bit concerning” and another characterizing it as “a flaming dumpster fire rolling down a mountainside with a whole lot of those really sharp jagged rocks at the bottom and also the dumpster has herpes.”
However, not all staff members within the Whitehouse are concerned, with Press Secretary Sean Spicer seeking to play down any stories of disgruntled staff during today’s press conference. “Look, this is a high stress environment, and from time to time people are going to blow off a little steam,” said Spicer. “I assure you we’re all one hundred percent onboard with this President, and his Whitehouse is running like a well greased palm.”
Spicer also denied reports of Conway’s desertion, stating that she remained a core part of the administration. “I assure you Kelly is still very much a part of our team. After all I’m pretty sure if someone in the Whitehouse quit their job, I’d be hearing about it before you guys. The President wouldn’t just send me out here without briefing his Press Secretary on something as important as that!”
The President later confirmed via Twitter that Mrs Conway has in fact left the Whitehouse
The Anti-Expert's Guide to Everything. In bookstores and newsagents now,
or buy it online at ChaserShop.com - single issue ($12.95) or even better subscribe to the Chaser Quarterly (one year just $65).