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Mugabe voted Miss Zimbabwe: denies election rigged

[Edition 54] HARARE, Monday: The newly re-elected Zimbabwean President, Robert Mugabe, has officially been crowned Miss Zimbabwe, describing his triumph as “a victory for black fashionablism”. But the victory comes amid concerns that the judging process may have been tainted.

Mugabe … treasonably good looking

[Edition 54] HARARE, Monday: The newly re-elected Zimbabwean President, Robert Mugabe, has officially been crowned Miss Zimbabwe, describing his triumph as “a victory for black fashionablism”. But the victory comes amid concerns that the judging process may have been tainted.

Several members of the nine-man judging panel expressed surprise at the 438 to 9 vote outcome. However, 78-year-old Mugabe explained the freakish result by saying, “What I may lack in youth I more than make up for with bootyliciousness.”

Mugabe was warmly greeted by his supporters after the victory, including Miss South Africa and Miss Nigeria, who described Miss Zimbabwe’s masculinity and long-lasting marriage as “minor administrative oversights”.

The dictator raised eyebrows early on in the pageant, answering the question, “If you were crowned Miss Zimbabwe what would you try to achieve?” with, “World domination and the mass slaughter of white farmers.” But he easily won the field over in the talent section when he demonstrated his ability to exterminate all who oppose his agenda, using two of the judges and all of his competitors as examples.

Fearing Mugabe may compromise the integrity of the beauty pageant, world monitoring body Entertainment Tonight sent several observers.

Their interim report cited several instances of judges’ free will being impaired, including descriptions of lengthy, desperate queues being stalled at the emergency exits just before Mugabe took part in the swimsuit section.

The report went on to warn that a failure to discipline Mugabe could damage the credibility of the Miss Universe Pageant as the pre-eminent beauty competition in the universe.