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Queen Mum’s life tragically cut short

[Edition 55] LONDON, Sunday: The world has been numbed by grief and shock, after Her Royal Highness the Queen Mother unexpectedly died last night at the tender age of 101.

[Edition 55] LONDON, Sunday: The world has been numbed by grief and shock, after Her Royal Highness the Queen Mother unexpectedly died last night at the tender age of 101.

The Queen Mum’s life was tragically cut short when she passed away suddenly in her home at Windsor Castle. English mourners have gathered in large numbers outside Buckingham Palace, silently holding candles as they try to come to terms with the premature death of the popular royal.

“It’s tragic that she should go so early,” said eminent royal watcher Sir Crispin Poncey-Poncey. “She still had her whole life ahead of her, and by all rights should have lived to the ripe old age of 900. It just seems so unfair that we should lose her so soon.”

Tributes have poured in from around the world for the beloved monarch cut down in her prime. The British liquor industry is understood to be particularly affected by the loss. Gin retailers are nervous about how their businesses will survive now that their most loyal customer is dead.

“To lose both the Queen Mum and Princess Margaret is just disastrous,” said one purveyor of gin. “Add to that the death of Dudley Moore, and you’d have to say it’s not a good time to be selling grog. We haven’t seen a downturn this big since Oliver Reed dropped off the twig.”
The Queen Mother narrowly averted an earlier death on a recent trip to Paris, where she was nearly involved in a fatal speeding accident on her Zimmer frame inside a tunnel.

In a final gesture to symbolise her love of horses, the Queen Mum has requested that her body be taken to a racecourse, dragged behind a screen and shot.