This is an archived site

Hi there. It’s probably obvious, but this site hasn’t been updated for ages.

Not since 2011, in fact. But scroll down and at least some of the news articles will probably make some kind of sense.

Our Facebook page and Twitter feed are updated slightly less infrequently.

If you’re looking for the Sydney venue run by some of the team, visit Giant Dwarf.

As for some of the recent TV programmes involving some team members, The Chaser’s Media Circus website is here, and The Checkout is here.

Also, Andrew and Chris are performing at the 2015 Melbourne Comedy Festival and Dom’s doing radio.

Ponting declares too late, as usual

Australian cricket captain Ricky Ponting put in a typically pugnacious but uninspired performance today, declaring his captaincy at an end long after the result was beyond doubt. “I’ve had no tap on the shoulder from anybody,” said Ponting, after he was tapped on the shoulder by the selectors and the entire Australian cricket community.

Continue reading Ponting declares too late, as usual

SBS completes testing of pattern

It was a staple of late night TV for decades, but this week the Special Broadcasting Service announced that its test pattern has been taken off air, the testing finally concluded. the network has been investigating what would happen if somebody broadcast an incomprehensible assortment of multicoloured squares and shapes on national television for one hundred thousand hours, and finally it has an answer.

Continue reading SBS completes testing of pattern

Ricky Nixon takes 20% of AFL footballers’ sex scandals

Ricky Nixon’s footballers are complaining their manager has taken more than the 20% share of sex scandals he is allowed under their contracts. “As AFL players, it’s our job to behave like dickheads and ruin our reputations, not Ricky’s,” said one of Nixon’s clients, who asked to remain anonymous until he is caught drink driving or involved in a sex scandal. Continue reading Ricky Nixon takes 20% of AFL footballers’ sex scandals

UN called in to resolve washing-up stalemate

The United Nations Security Council, hoping to stem the tide of refugees moving into neighbouring Jeff’s place, passed an emergency resolution calling for a roster of chores to be drawn up – a directive thus far ignored by the feuding flatmates. “The UN roadmap quite clearly states that Ray is supposed to have vacuumed by now,” Maluna said.

Continue reading UN called in to resolve washing-up stalemate

Queensland braces for worst disaster yet: Justin Bieber tour

Still reeling from the floods and Cyclone Yasi, Queenslanders have already begun preparations for an even more cataclysmic event: the visit of pop starlet Justin Bieber in April. And just as they did during Yasi, thousands of Queenslanders will once again pack themselves tightly into shopping centres for 24 hours, in the hope of getting an autograph from the singer.

Continue reading Queensland braces for worst disaster yet: Justin Bieber tour

Rapper chooses bikini-clad ho theme for upcoming video

When it came time to express the themes of his new opus Bang Thang visually, Compton-based singer/songwriter Dyzzee Phuq faced a complex aesthetic choice. The song’s passionate themes and explicit lyrics could have lent themselves to an irony-tinged Spike Jonze dreamscape, or a self-contained narrative short. But after some of the finest minds in hip-hop shared their creative vision, the song’s essence was distilled into a single, recurring image: bikini-clad hoes. Continue reading Rapper chooses bikini-clad ho theme for upcoming video

Bin Laden captured after checking-in on Foursquare

Al-Qaeda leader and amateur short filmmaker Osama bin Laden has been captured after ‘checking-in’ to a social networking application while visiting a butcher in Peshawar, Pakistan. Foursquare offers badges and special offers for members who alert other users to their location, although the rewards are paltry compared to the $25 million bounty on bin Laden’s head. Continue reading Bin Laden captured after checking-in on Foursquare

Crim regrets “assisting police with their enquiries”

New inmate Paul Neville Smith, 27, of Burwood, has told fellow prisoners that, with the benefit of hindsight, he should not have provided police with the crucial information that led to his arrest for armed robbery. “The police asked me to come down to the station not long after I knocked off the local service station,” Smith explained. “They didn’t have enough evidence to charge anyone, but just wanted to ask me a few questions. I felt it was my duty to help out.” Continue reading Crim regrets “assisting police with their enquiries”

Vampire claims ‘Twilight’ is ruining his afterlife

The fearsome vampire Duke Stefan von Brunheim, originally of Bucharest, Romania but now resident in Adelaide, says that the phenomenal success of the Twilight series has destroyed his pleasure in feasting on young women. “As soon as I bare my fangs and move to rip out their jugular, the girls look me passionately in the eye and offer to be my soulmate,” he said. “And I can’t stomach it – all that ‘love beyond time’ bullshit really puts me off my dinner.” Continue reading Vampire claims ‘Twilight’ is ruining his afterlife

Mutant Ninja Turtles now experiencing mid-life crisis

“I spent so long studying to be a ninja,” said the group’s leader Leonardo, who recently opened an upscale art gallery-cum-bakery in the Meatpacking District.”What if I’d put that energy into going to art school, so I could have become a great painter instead of merely being named after one?” Continue reading Mutant Ninja Turtles now experiencing mid-life crisis

Matthew Newton to play Matthew Newton in new ‘Underbelly’ series

Troubled actor Matthew Newton plans to resurrect his career playing troubled actor Matthew Newton in the next instalment of the hit true crime series Underbelly. The fourth instalment will be a compelling cautionary tale of one man’s descent into drugs, crime and violence, and will resume shooting as soon as Newton has bounced back from his descent into drugs, crime and violence. Continue reading Matthew Newton to play Matthew Newton in new ‘Underbelly’ series

Junkie genuinely needs two dollars for train fare

Heroin addict James Sheffield, 37, found himself in difficulty today when he was exactly two dollars short for the train fare to Frankston. The journey, Sheffield explained, was work-related, and of an urgent nature. “Yeah I got a job interview at 4, right, but they only told me fucken two hours ago. So I’m like – fuck, I gotta get up and get to fucken Frankston,” he said. “It’s bullshit.”

Continue reading Junkie genuinely needs two dollars for train fare

Schwarzenegger ends term as Governor: lowers himself into molten metal

Arnold Schwarzenegger has ended his tenure as California Governor in controversial fashion, offering a frank apology for his shortcomings before slowly lowering himself into an industrial vat of molten metal. Battered by years of criticism and accusations of faltering economic management, Schwarzenegger could only muster a plaintive “thumbs up” sign before turning away from reporters and activating a mechanical hoist to take him to a certain fiery demise.

Continue reading Schwarzenegger ends term as Governor: lowers himself into molten metal

Aung San Suu Kyi finally puts bins out

Aung thumbnailAfter Burma’s military junta finally ended her house arrest, Daw Aung San Suu Kyi began her long-awaited freedom by stacking fifteen years’ worth of rubbish outside her Rangoon home. As she piled several hundred cardboard boxes on her doorstep, the leader of the National League for Democracy thanked her supporters for their constant support, and Guido’s Pizzeria for its constant deliveries. Continue reading Aung San Suu Kyi finally puts bins out

Man spends entire camping trip trying to get phone reception

Occasional outdoorsman Don Feist has spent an entire “get away from it all” weekend trip trying to regain contact with the outside world, friends report. Minutes after his arrival at a remote campsite, the thirtysomething IT manager began asking whether his companions didn’t have any reception either, and after a token effort to set up camp was soon wandering around the fringes of the clearing, holding his handset aloft. Continue reading Man spends entire camping trip trying to get phone reception